i'm so glad we rushed to buy elijah new cozy jammies that fit him.
because he wants to sleep in regular clothes.
we don't mind so much, i mean, at least he's sleeping. sometimes :)
speaking of sleep. i need some. but first, a few thoughts brewing, rambled here.
as a note to myself, and possibly for you too.
december is nearly upon us.
to help focus our head and hearts toward the true spirit of christmas,
i get all weepy sometimes. any old time, but especially during christmas.
as a parent, i had these visions of what christmases would look like for our family.
and like so many things, actual life doesn't look at all like my visions.
we're not certain how much elijah understands, but we know it's more than we think. you know?
so we read aloud and talk about everything under the sun. especially during christmas.
we want elijah to understand christmas.
we want our son to know the gospel.
we want him to grasp the free grace of jesus.
more than reading and trying to be creative in presentation, we pray.
it's really the spirit who will pierce his heart with the truth, not us or anyone else.
we want him to brush his teeth, and sleep through the night.
we want him to be able stop wearing diapers and tolerate a haircut.
we want him to have friends and learn to read and write.
we want him to have a conversation.
last year, i thought
next year will be so different! elijah will be so much more grown up
and understand so much more! won't that be awesome!?
except. here we are. this is next year.
sure, there is much progress to be grateful for! so much awakening in our sweet boy!
but. it isn't what i wanted to see.
and this is the true problem. my heart.
it's still selfish and often ahead of the lord.
it's not wrong to want my son to learn and grow.
it's not wrong to want christmas to be relaxing and fun instead of worrying about overstimulation.
it's not wrong to want to reach him.
unless i want to reach him more than i cling to jesus.
i want to want HIM more.
i want him to help me be content...
wherever he brings us, and however long it takes to get us there.
this christmas will be another very different one.
but i think it could be the best one ever, if we leave it to the greatest gift giver.