Friday, December 06, 2013


i've been up since 4am. i spent most of the early morning trying to sleep, barking at my child to stop jumping!! be still! pleeeeeeease!!! it wasn't peaceful or restful or enjoyable or anything i loved. and that was my poor choice. because i know it's possible to enjoy these crazy early rises. i manage it sometimes! i manage to remember that every breath is a gift. even if it's in the middle of the night with a bouncing, needy little boy of mine.

i opened up my bible app on my phone, squinting my puffy, exhausted eyes to read in the dark. and i regret not doing so first thing, at 4am.

"and this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.” and suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising god and saying, “glory to god in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!" luke 2:12-14
"the people who enjoy the peace of god that surpasses all understanding are those who in everything by prayer and supplication let their requests be made known to god. the key that unlocks the treasure chest of god’s peace is faith in the promises of god. so paul prays, “may the god of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing.” and when we do trust the promises of god and have joy and peace and love, then god is glorified. glory to god in the highest, and on earth peace to men with whom he is pleased-men who would believe." john piper, good news of great joy
believing god's promises is difficult sometimes. myself gets in the way, because i want to believe in myself. believe in a way that i think makes sense, a way that i can see right now, start to finish. when i do this? i don't have peace. i don't have joy. and the lord is not pleased with me. i'm starting the day over, at 8:50. standing on his promises, resting in his peace.
this one in jeremiah. he has plans for me. for good. my eternity with jesus is my hope, and ought to be my fuel for each day, no matter how early i rise. no matter how little of my agenda gets done. god is my refuge and strength. no matter what, i am stable with him. nothing can move me. nothing can separate me from his love, i win, in him. i may get weary and spent, but he never gets tired. and he lends me his strength to keep. on. going.
this month we have birthdays, family visiting, schedule changes, time off from school, colder temperatures, christmas. so much differentnew things are difficult for us. even one new thing out in the house, like a christmas tree, turns elijah's world upside down. add in a few ornaments and lights? buckle up. and even though i thought i was braced for this season, i realize i still have expectations. and they're not being met. and i'm frustrated. 
i don't want to be frustrated. instead of whining about what isn't, i want to enjoy what is. meeting my sweetheart son and family where they are, seeing their needs above my own. it's likely going to be a conscious decision every day, to remember what's right. 

advent isn't about anticipating what i think christmas should look and feel like. this season is about celebrating and watching for the greatest gift, jesus. he came into this weary, wretched world as a tiny babe. grew into a child, then a man. lived as a human being, just like me. i was reminded as i read yesterday that he is with me. emmanuel, god is with us! he sees my hard things, he knows my needs better than myself. i need to trust him. i need to rest in him.

will you come to jesus with me today? making our requests known unto god, giving our heavy hearts over to his gentle, wise care. rest in him. know his peace and enjoy him in this season. 

"come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and i will give you rest. take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for i am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." matthew 11:28-29


  1. such good words & the reminder I needed to hear today-- in the busyness, I need to rest in him so much. blessings to you this season.

  2. and even moreso looking forward to His return for us!!! all things new - hallelujah
    blessings and prayers, sweet Hannah

  3. I so needed to read this today, right now. Thank you for sharing what is on your heart.

  4. found this thru following you in instagram. i see your son has autism. i have a 16 yr old with angelman's syndrome. your words about still having expectations stirred my soul. you'd think after 16 years i'd have this down, but still pulled out the advent calendars. all 5 of them! and they have sat on the counter unused all month .... i think i may gift them away this year. my son will never get into them like i did as a kid and my hubby has no interest. rreleasing things is hard .... thank you for your post and your humble transparency. God bless you!

  5. Thank you for sharing the heart and the hope of the gospel through your own hurt and struggles. Praying His sufficient grace will see you through, strengthen your weary eyes and fill you running over with hope. And for sleep. Happy Christmas!

  6. so much of this is me, frustrated when things don't line up with my intentions. forgetting (again!) that God is with us, working, breathing life into the messy and the sleep-deprivation. i will come to Him today, with you. thank you, hannah.