Monday, May 13, 2013

finding him wholly true

i had big plans for this week, with a lot of deep cleaning and organizing involved. after that, some fun updates for my shop were planned, not to mention catching up on orders since falling behind last week. my finger is healing slowly, but nicely, by the way! 
today has been the opposite of my plans. in every way. we began with a pediatric clinic visit this morning, followed by keeping elijah home from school and therapy, which meant no deep cleaning or organizing for me.  and i had to miss a meeting with his case worker that i've tried to schedule for two weeks!

first, i was grateful. yay! more time with my sweetie boy that i miss so much!
then i walked into the kitchen and wasn't happy or thankful at all. it's not really possible to do many productive things when elijah is home. and i saw dirty dishes and pans, mystery sticky spots, cluttered table and felt grit on the floor. i never wanted to clean so badly! i'm behind on everything since i cut my finger last week. today was supposed to be a day to begin to catch up on my life. pretty sure i whined out loud, something like "dang it all!!! i have so much freaking stuff to do, and i can't do one single bit of it! SO ANNOYING!"

i reached for the paper towels and counter spray, ready to tackle the sticky countertops, and i just stopped. i stopped being annoyed, i stopped whining, i stopped hating what was and wishing for what isn't.

here's the thing. i don't love this about myself, but i have the most trouble looking to jesus in the smallish things. huge trials and great grievous pain are easy for me to trust him with. why is this? possibly because it's too easy to see a way that "i can fix this", like i have some sense of control over little things like minor illness/injury or house chores. but i can't and i don't.
just like every single thing, the lord is sovereign over these things. my small plans, my to-do list, 
i asked him to forgive my rotten attitude and to help me enjoy my son and my home, no matter its state.

a song that the lord often calls to mind flooded its lyrics and melody into my heart today:

Like a river glorious, is God’s perfect peace,
Over all victorious, in its bright increase;
Perfect, yet it floweth, fuller every day,
Perfect, yet it groweth, deeper all the way.

Stayed upon Jehovah, hearts are fully blest
Finding, as He promised, perfect peace and rest.
Hidden in the hollow of His blessed hand,
Never foe can follow, never traitor stand;
Not a surge of worry, not a shade of care,
Not a blast of hurry touch the spirit there.

Every joy or trial falleth from above,
Traced upon our dial by the Sun of Love;
We may trust Him fully all for us to do.
They who trust Him wholly find Him wholly true.

that song is such a comfort and encouragement to me in very difficult days. and today? today i heard it for me now. in a small thing. only, no things are small for the lord. he carries our burdens for us, no matter their size on our backs. he knows we are frail in patience and perseverance. he knows we forget his goodness and his enough-ness. yet, he is there. sending his song and his strength, encouraging us to press on, and trust him wholly where we are. he is mindful of us, he is caring for our hearts for his glory and our good.
in a deep sea of sorrow, or standing tired and frustrated at grimy kitchen counters.

"blessed be the lord, who daily bears us up; god is our salvation." psalm 68:19

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  1. I love that hymn. hey--At least you could SEE your countertops--I'm sure you have many memories from childhood of "no counter to be seen!" I love you, honey

  2. you wrote this also for me today. but you already know that. xo.

  3. love this.
    love that song.
    love you.

  4. I had the same frustrating moment today. I long for the day when Jesus and prayer are my default response for those annoying little situations that rise up. Grace is so good today, and always! Blessings to you! Love, Rachael @ Inking the Heart Linking with you at Grace Laced

  5. I can be that same way. Sometimes I surprise myself at how such little things set me off. And a lot of the time it's triggered by MESSES. Ugh. Love that hymn :)

  6. Psalm 37:23 was a verse that helped me to understand how God truly does care about every single detail of my life. I struggle so much too with trusting that God is actually in control of every detail of my life. I desperately want to control every little thing by myself--I have a problem with understanding that God works BOTH in the big things AND the little things. The big things for some reason are just so much easier for me to give up to Him and trust His sovereignty. I love it when I come across posts like this and realize there are other Christians experiencing the same things as myself. Thanks for the encouragement!

  7. it's so hard for me to enjoy the small nitty gritty...but lately I too have been slowly handing them over to the Lord and embracing them. I figure, heck! if i can find joy in cleaning toilets and such, then will be the most lucky girl in the world! not everyone can be joyful in a big huge mess!

  8. this is so hard for me. i think i could constantly be cleaning and picking up. and i often get annoyed when things get in the way. the thing is, those "things" are usually the more important things. my kids, time in the Word. i have to remind myself that He knows. and it's ok. thanks girl. xoxo

  9. I SO needed to read this today. Thank you, Hannah.

  10. I did a post on this hymn a few years back! :) Love it! So glad that God cares about the little things, too! I hope you've had some chances since to catch up! I know that God cares about that, too. He is the God that brings organization out of chaos. :)