Tuesday, March 12, 2013

when i'm selfish


we open the blinds and look out, finding the light. "hello, helloooooo!!!" he says to the people he can see getting ready to cross the street. i see him there, jolly and shirtless. and i see god. busy working in my son, and teaching me so much while he's at it. 

it's a little gift he throws my way during the working. 
these blessings of light finding, greeting others even when they can't hear our voices. 

i'm reminded that sometimes we do things for us. not for them. 
sometimes we say hello when no one can hear us to know we are alive. 
maybe just for me this is true.

sometimes i give because i will burst if i don't, and as a bonus the lord blesses another. sometimes i read to my son while he plays, not because i know he's listening in his own way, but because i need to read to him. sometimes i text a friend something funny because it's me who needs to laugh. sometimes i share a scripture not to edify you, but to cement it into my own heart.

always,
the lord is good, and higher than i. when he does one thing for me, he's busy doing a hundred other things for someone else in that same moment, through that same gift he gave to me so mercifully in my selfishness. and i'm thankful today.

i'm grateful that it isn't up to me when another is cared for or encouraged. i'm grateful for the lord working in and through me, even when i don't see anyone but myself. grateful that he hears me when i pray, and ask him to change my self seeking.

let your steadfast love, o lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you. psalm 33:22

11 comments:

  1. beautiful words. I'm glad your burst with that desire to help and love because you have so much of Jesus' love to give!

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  2. He is definitely working in and through you. love your words and your transparent heart.

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  3. perfectly said. love you always.

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  4. the Lord IS good and SOOO merciful in the midst of our selfishness.
    LOVE THAT.

    thank you for encouraging me this morning hannah. :)

    <3

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  5. glad I hoped on over to read this today :)

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  6. i love your words :) i see you giving kind words and pretty jewelry all over instagram and i definitely believe god uses you to brighten many a day.

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  7. What a sweet and inspiration post. Thanks for sharing.
    Carolyn
    http://sillyhappysweet.blogspot.com

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  8. you are such a wonderful and giving person.
    i'm so glad i "know" you :)
    and because we are friends i'm not afraid to tell you that
    your post kinda made me teary eyed.
    love your heart. xoxo

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  9. this is so true, my hannah. often my prayer is 'God please use me in spite of me.' i need Him to take all the self-striving and clear it on out, and fill those cracked-open spaces with Him.

    He absolutely uses you to lift my heart and to pour into the people we'll serve. i'm so thankful.

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  10. How I love this!

    So many times I've had to remind myself that sometimes God is not saying "no" to a prayer, or even "yes" at that moment... but "hold on, I'm using your prayer to answer someone else's too"!

    But you... wrote it in words that just are heartachingly beautiful. Thank you

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