Wednesday, March 06, 2013

some thoughts {about life and living it}

friends. it's been a sweet honor to pray with and for you. i've received so many emails from yesterday's post. know that you are not alone, and you are being lifted up! xo

>>>>>>>

this photo is from july 2011. sometimes that feels like ten years ago, other days is feels like last week. our boy ran his busy heart out on that little playground. we were visiting our dear friends in philadelphia. they were so gracious to us. they didn't seem to mind our wild, sweaty boy darting through their home, and tossing soil from the potted plants off their balcony. 

i remember being so unsettled then. that summer was so very difficult. we felt like change and understanding was coming, but we had no idea what it would look like. we were exhausted and confused. we knew the weaver was at work, but we couldn't see the beauty yet. at all.


it's been one year since we began preschool and therapy with elijah. 
we're seeing more clearly how the lord was and is watching us, caring for us with every new day. things look much different in our family now. and the greatest change has been in our hearts. we are more rested physically praise jesus but the real peace has come from resting in god. realizing and trusting his control with each step we take. of course we have much more to learn, and sometimes forget his goodness and get all impatient and ahead of ourselves. but he so gently draws us back. he is so good.

this is why i blog about our journey and keep a journal. 
to remember that god is good. to see the changes, in our hearts and sometimes in circumstances. 
as we learn more and more about autism, we are learning more and more about our god. therefore,

autism is blessing me.

the creator of the universe, who knows each hair on my head and on every head, meets us here in our journey. it's not about "disabilities" or "disorders". it's about becoming whole in our view of him and how he skillfully molds us. away from our old ideas of "should be" and "normal" and shaping our eyes to see glory and perfection in exactly how he's fashioned each of us. 

this life we're living? it's a gift. the wrapping may seem completely wonky, on a good day. we may get a serious case of i want what they've got every now and then. but hear this. we must be grateful for our own gifts. as hard as it may seem some days, to even face a new morning, it's our morning. given to us by god and meant for us. mine for me and yours for you. i read a saying recently 'the grass is always greener where you water it" and that's sort of what my point is. 
and now you're like, she has a point? yes i do.

life is sweeter when we are grateful for it. when we as believers actually trust god's word that all things work for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. this is when we can begin to live. not dependent on our circumstance or the way the wind blows. but on christ and his promise that he will be faithful to complete his work in us. because he. is. faithful. 

and if you're like me, you have trouble even saying that sometimes. say it anyway. then pray and ask god to help you believe it. if you can't muster a prayer? just cry to him. sometimes i have worshipful, coherent  prayers. many times my prayers have sounded something like this:
"@#%^#$&$%@ do you even see what is happening here? i thought you were for me!!!"

and he hears me. 
and i'm not alone. 
because even if i didn't know another soul on earth that feels the way i sometimes do about life and it's curvy ways, david did. i'm gonna tell you right now, like i often have already:  if you are not reading at least something from the psalms every day, begin now. one of my favorites is psalm 40:

"I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cryHe drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secureHe put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord. Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not turn to the proud, to those who go astray after a lie! You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told. In sacrifice and offering you have not delighted, but you have given me an open ear. Burnt offering and sin offering you have not required. Then I said, “Behold, I have come; in the scroll of the book it is written of me: I delight to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart.” I have told the glad news of deliverance in the great congregation; behold, I have not restrained my lips, as you know, O Lord. I have not hidden your deliverance within my heart; I have spoken of your faithfulness and your salvation; I have not concealed your steadfast love and your faithfulness from the great congregationAs for you, O Lord, you will not restrain your mercy from me; your steadfast love and your faithfulness will ever preserve me! For evils have encompassed me beyond number; my iniquities have overtaken me, and I cannot see; they are more than the hairs of my head; my heart fails me. Be pleased, O Lord, to deliver me! O Lord, make haste to help me! Let those be put to shame and disappointed altogether who seek to snatch away my life; let those be turned back and brought to dishonor who delight in my hurt! Let those be appalled because of their shame who say to me, “Aha, Aha!” But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation say continually, “Great is the Lord!” As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for meYou are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God!"

most psalms are straight from the heart of david to god. praising, aching, breaking, and being restored. time and again it's a picture of christ and his faithfulness to his own. we are cast down, he lifts us up. we weep, he collects our tears. we sin, we repent, he listens, we rejoice. and so it goes. over and over again. just like my life. and just like yours. we ebb and flow, we get older, we learn, we grow. we live. and by the grace of jesus, we live his way. giving and forgiving. loving and caring. grateful and intentional.

"through every moment of every hour of every day, may the consciousness that i am yours, and that you have loved me, stir my spirit to the constant melody of wholehearted gratitude!"
susannah spurgeon

27 comments:

  1. This is beautiful Hannah. Yes when doubt creeps in speak the truth anyways. Keep saying it until you believe it. Ii read a similar statement in a book by Kathleen Norris. It stuck with me and now you have reminded me once again. Thank you. Your honesty is encouraging.

    Xo

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    1. thank you, melissa!
      grateful for the kindness of the lord as he transforms my heart!

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  2. You are such a blessing to me, Hannah! What grace and courage you portray in the hardships and blessings God has given you. Thank you, friend!

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    1. amen, glory to god! love to you, verna!

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  3. "it's about becoming whole in our view of him and how he skillfully molds us. away from our old ideas of "should be" and "normal" and shaping our eyes to see glory and perfection in exactly how he's fashioned each of us."

    Yes. Yes. Yes.

    Thank you Hannah. You bless my socks off.

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  4. girl.
    seriously.
    your blog has become my daily devotional.
    and i can't get enough.

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    1. i think, i wish we were neighbors.
      amen.

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  5. hannah. this spoke directly to my heart today. thank you. he really is so good.

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  6. next time you are in Phila let me know...I am in Philadelphia. PA!

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  7. you are such a Truth seeker and i love you for it. thanks for letting me watch your faith unfold - it always prods me on. love ya.

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    1. god is good, and i'm grateful he is at work in us!
      love you!

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  8. You have no idea how much this blessed my heart today. I needed to read this and I'm so very grateful I did. Thank God for you and your beautiful words and heart. xoxo

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    1. that's good news, breeann. he is faithful! love you!

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  9. You are always so refreshing, Hannah! You bless me on so many levels. You need to write a book...

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    1. yes she should write a book!!

      -Linnea

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    2. oh my. thanks, girls!
      that would be quite the saga!

      :)

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  10. praise god!and what a blessing to e that god blessed him with you as a mama :)

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  11. what a blessing you are, sharing these heart-true things. a leader of sorts, if that doesn't sound funny. it's easier to be honest knowing how much i am blessed when you share your heart. thankful for you, hannah.

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    1. thank you, dear ellen! thankful for you, and your steady encouraging friendship. xo

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  12. Such beautiful reflection on how God walks us through what is unknown to us but always known to Him.

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