Sunday, February 17, 2013

weary of wandering

elijah's sick, i'm sick. the house is in disarray. like majorly. i'm trying not to let it bother me, since i don't have the energy to do anything about it right now. sadly, i've been letting my frustrations out in ways that are harmful to others. this morning i barked naggy complaints at my husband before he left for work. what a lovely way to send him away from our home on a sunday morning. good grief. i struggle on a good day to be sweet when i'm frustrated. it's really been out of control when i'm tired or sick. i'm weary of it. of being sick, but mostly weary of needing to ask forgiveness a hundred times a day for my ruinous, running mouth. weary of offending my husband with my lack of care or appreciation for his exhaustion and hard work for us. weary of offending my lord jesus.

so today. i'm praying psalm 116
i love the lord, because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy. because he inclined his ear to me, therefore i will call on him as long as i live. the snares of death encompassed me; the pangs of sheol laid hold on me; i suffered distress and anguish. then i called on the name of the lord: “o lord, i pray, deliver my soul!” gracious is the lord, and righteous; our god is merciful. the lord preserves the simple; when i was brought low, he saved me. return, o my soul, to your rest; for the lord has dealt bountifully with you...
for new mercies to cover me and my house. praising the lord for his hearing me when i cry to him, and that he knows my heart, and loves me still. 

"Weary of wandering from my God,
And now made willing to return
I hear and bow me to the rod
For thee, not without hope, I mourn:
I have an Advocate above
A Friend before the throne of love.

O Jesus, full of truth and grace
More full of grace than I of sin
Yet once again I seek Thy face:
Open Thine arms and take me in
And freely my backslidings heal
And love the faithless sinner still.

Thou know’st the way to bring me back
My fallen spirit to restore
O for Thy truth and mercy’s sake,
Forgive, and bid me sin no more:
The ruins of my soul repair
And make my heart a house of prayer.

The stone to flesh again convert,
The veil of sin again remove;
Sprinkle Thy blood upon my heart,
And melt it by Thy dying love;
This rebel heart by love subdue,
And make it soft, and make it new.

Give to mine eyes refreshing tears,
And kindle my relentings now;
Fill my whole soul with filial fears,
To Thy sweet yoke my spirit bow;
Bend by Thy grace, O bend or break,
The iron sinew in my neck!

Ah! give me, Lord, the tender heart
That trembles at the approach of sin;
A godly fear of sin impart,
Implant, and root it deep within,
That I may dread Thy gracious power,
And never dare to offend Thee more."

weary of wandering from my god // charles wesley, 1749


  1. Oh I struggle so much when I am tired. Why are we so mean to our biggest blessings. Praying for a redeemed rest of the day for you!

  2. We all fall down. Dust off and get back up my friend. This too shall pass. Going to pray right now.


  3. i understand. i am weary of offending our Lord God too. thanks for sharing.

    1. davi. love you! be encouraged, there is hope for us :)

  4. Prayers for you, sweet lady.
    Like Joy said, this too shall pass.
    When it does, you will have great days with Elijah and the hubby.
    And they will love you just like they do right now.

    1. thank you, verna! we are having such a lovely week! xo

  5. Oh Hannah. I hear ya sister. Thankfully we have a God who has forgiven you already. Praying for healing so you can feel like yourself again. Hugs to you.

  6. oh ma word. girl--- i am the barkiest of barkers. the snappiest of snappers. i HATE it. it is my super sin. this idea that the world should feel good to me and when it doesn't i should have the right to let everyone know that they should do better. for shame. and yet he knows my heart and loves me still?? what kind of love is that... return oh my soul to your rest for the lord has dealt bountifully with you. oh so so good, ps: i need to know about maryland. like where you lived. and will i like it. and do you ever go back. :)

    1. yes yes. love you, lauren.
      and emailed ya :)

  7. i am praying for wellness to wash over you.

    also, i love that we now read the same psalms each day. glad i finally got with the program.

    1. thanks, carissa! and it thrills me to know we're reading together xo

  8. I love your heart. Thanks for being so honest.

  9. I am so guilty of the same thing. Nagging at the one who consistently shows me compassion and understanding because of my chronic illnesses. I love the fact that you are so honest; I have so many friends who, when I talk about something in my marriage not being "perfect", or how illness affects things, they act as if I'm having major problems and need help. I love that my church group is so the opposite of the friends I was just talking about though. Nobody's marriage is perfect, because no person is perfect! But with prayer, God's Word, and the Holy Spirit, we can conquer our attitudes and keep striving to be better wives.

    I just posted a new post (and realized I hadn't written for almost a YEAR!); so crazy. I wanted to come check on you because I love your blog. Hope to hear from you soon and I hope you and your boy feel better!

  10. We all have those days, hannah ... when we're too worn out and weary ourselves to show the love we truly feel for others. I try to tell myself to "fake it 'til I make it" or at least until I have the time to recenter myself and find that good mood I so desperately need.

    Somehow, I think you're guy will forgive you. xo

    1. thanks, michelle. amen. grateful for new mercies!

  11. Completely understand. You're not alone!

    1. and nor are you, my friend xo grateful for you!

  12. One of the things I love about the blogging world is that God uses it to bring a timely reminder or lesson to me. I feel EXACTLY the same way lately. Except substitute pain for sickness. And I'm so weary of sinning and having to ask everyone's forgiveness (as I'm sure they are tired of me being less than pleasant).

    I'm so thankful you shared this and will pray for your restoration as well as my own :)

    1. AMEN. cheers for blogging. god is so good to use it so sweetly for our benefit! xo

  13. Sweet lady, I'm sending up prayers to you.
    So thankful we have a Savior AND a guide book to lean on in those weary moments of life. XO