Wednesday, December 05, 2012

this beauty is my testimony


do you ever ask god why me? why did you choose to put me here?

there are many days that i am completely overwhelmed with my life.
some things are overwhelming because they are hard. 
other times, i struggle for breath and sentences as the tears flow, just because this is all too good.


a bunch of us girlfriends decided to draw names this year for gift giving. it was a secret who had who.
my gift arrived a few days ago. this handmade wreath, in all its cheerful, colorful glory. 
it's even more delightful because my darling friend made it with her sweet hands. for me.

my house is a hot mess, decorating wise. so it wasn't rocket science finding a place for it.
any place will do when you're a hot mess.
when i placed it on the wall i'd see most, 
i realized that it was also the place for another gift i'd been given. a print by another precious friend
with one of the most meaningful scriptures in my life on a sweet watercolor background.


i memorized this verse as a child. i remember being impressed, thinking about a huge god. 
so huge that the clouds were the dust of his feet. many years down the road, less impressed with god, 
and caring nothing for his word or his huge-ness, it came to mind.

the lord is slow to anger and great in power,
and the lord will by no means clear the guilty.
his way is in whirlwind and storm,
and the clouds are the dust of his feet.
nahum 1:3

this righteous, patient creator found me with these words. not so gently reminding me of my place.
he has his way. and there was no way for me to survive, separated from him.
i had been awakened by the holy spirit several days before, 
but quickly sank back into my disgusting, destructive ways that would make me forget him. 
only they didn't.

i learned that once the lord draws you, he's got you. 
you can't make him hate you. you can't run away.
i thought i was unforgivable.
i thought i was too messed up.
i thought i was unable to follow him.
how could i really give up control?
that was me thinking on my own terms. in my own tiny rules.
god can forgive anyone of anything. and he helps us forgive ourselves.
i am too messed up to come on my own, he is the cleaner-upper. he makes me right.
i am not able to follow him, i don't even want to, but he puts that in my heart.

he changes me.
he is big enough.
he is.


so here i am.

far removed from dirty, dangerous houses shared with people i barely know.
my nights are peaceful and safe now. i am clean, and have true friendships. and a forgiving family.
i have a new life, gifted to me by jesus and equipped with exactly what i need for each day.

i never dreamed of this.
i'm hanging felt flower wreaths and scripture prints in my apartment.
an apartment i share with a godly man who cares for me.
and we're blessed to parent the most wonderful little boy together.

i am in awe as i praise the lover of my soul for putting me here.
god is huge.
and god is good.
this is my testimony.

23 comments:

  1. that is so pretty! your story, and the wreath. love you, and so glad you were so blessed.

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  2. His love is too big for us to understand. I am so thankful for it. So happy you are too. Xo

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  3. I held my self together until I got to your "I never dreamed of this" paragraph. Tears of thankfulness for where God has brought you and thanks for reminding me of where He has brought me.

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  4. well this has me crying. our stories aren't the same. I never rebelled on the outside but I did think God was pretty much fed up with my hard heart. even today? sometimes I still wrestle with this crazy idea that He just plain LOVES ME and pursues me and He really is and does all the wonderful Truths I find in Psalm 103 (basically my go-to chapter)... anyway, you're so beautiful and praise God He pulls us out and makes us clean because I'm so thankful for YOUR testimony friend. happy Wednesday :)

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  5. Powerful. Thank you for using your testimony to continually point to Jesus. I believe because you continually give Him the glory, you continue to open yourself up to beautiful transformation. Love you, lady!!

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  6. Lover of my soul...I've always loved that line in a song I've heard. Its so true. Thank you for your honesty here Hannah. I wish we could all be so brave to share the pits we've been brought out of.
    xo

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  7. oh dear hannah you made me cry with your beautiful life.

    xxoo

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  8. A beautiful, amazing testimony it is.
    What a wonder our God is.
    To take us from our dirty, hate-filled worst and turn us into His cleaned up, shined up, beautiful child.
    You said it best, my God is good.

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  9. Thanks for continuing to share the story He is writing in your life! The beauty of your story is a wonderful picture of His beauty!! And love the wreath!

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  10. "once the Lord draws yo, he's got you." These words, this truth is comfort as I pray over an individual.

    your testimony-his in you- glorifying!

    and look at all he is and has done... and all he will continue to do, "great is Thy faithfulness!"

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  11. Beautiful words, Hannah.
    Beautiful testimony.

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  12. Praise be to our good God! So so sweet, friend. Love you.

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  13. You are a beautiful person with a beautiful testimony, Hannah!

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  14. oh hannah, God is SO good!! thank you for sharing...and your danielle-made-wreath is GORgeous!!

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  15. Beautiful and powerful, lovely friend. <3

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  16. Hi Hannah. Thanks for stopping by my blog to say hi. I've seen your name around and am so glad to finally "meet" you. Your testimony is beautiful...thanks for sharing your heart!

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  17. Your testimony is so beautiful. You have ripped my heart open and buried a love for your friendship deep, deep inside. I will be here my friend. Always.

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  18. That was beautiful, thank you for sharing! Somehow I've always overlooked that verse. Now it is more close to my heart, THANK YOU!

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  19. Your testimony is one of my favorites. I love you, friend.

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  20. This made me cry - I am so happy you get to experience the love of our great God and His mercies. Hold on to them when times are hard!

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