Thursday, November 15, 2012

bless the lord, o my soul

we're nearly through our second week of aba therapy with elijah.
there are weeks ahead yet, but coming this far already has boosted our confidence.

as parents, we've never felt as helpless and hands-off as we have these past two weeks.
this has pushed us to jesus more and more, and he is our confidence!

he's strengthened patrick and myself, and especially our sweetie boy.
it's a beautiful sight to behold, watching things click for him, 
seeing him understand and follow directions.
and do it all like a champion. it feels good to be here, resting in jesus to make this good.
fully dependent, completely unable to do this on our own.

i'm overwhelmed again and again at the goodness of god in all this.
words can't properly articulate to you the immense gratitude and wonder that swell my heart so.

the interventionalists that elijah has been teamed up with are incredible.
they almost feel like friends
in the way they love and care for elijah, and how they encourage us to not give up.

we trust them.
because we trust that god has brought these amazingly gifted and loving hearts into our family to help us 
during this crucial window of opportunity for growth in our son.

one of my favorite parts of the day:
hearing "mama!!! MAMA!!!" when elijah comes home and squeezes me so tight i can hardly breathe.
seeing him see me as his mama, wanting to be here with me.

you know, it's been almost two years, since i've really felt connected to him.
sure, elijah loves me, and i know it.
but most days, it would be as if i wasn't even with him. he didn't want my help or company, 
pushed away cuddles and hugs, unless they were his idea. and that was rare.
as an adoptive mama, this was especially difficult for me. 
and while i'm being honest here, it stings. and i cried and prayed angrily about this.
there was a tiny fear deeply tucked away that came alive, the fear of disconnection from my son.

but now.
the lord has shown us the special ways elijah does love us, and the ways he needs us to love him.
these last few months, our family of three has felt more as one than ever before!
communication is open and we are all working hard to understand each other.

we can't see what lies ahead on this long journey, but we are together.
together being led by the very best guide.
the one who made our sweet elijah so wonderful and perfect.
our steadfast loving father in heaven.
who knows exactly what we need and when we need it.
bless the lord, o my soul!

linked up here today!


  1. hannah! this is so great! i loved this post so much!!!! in a really weird way, i can sorta relate. just because like i'm finally coming out of a really dark spot as a mom. i am so happy to call you my friend!

  2. The way you point to Jesus through the ups and downs of life inspires me. Your heart for your family is beautiful. I've learned a lot about my confidence being in Jesus through this season, so hearing how your confidence is in Him choked me up this morning. You, Patrick, and Elijah are continuously in my prayers, for reals, that's not just lip service or Christian-ese. Love you! Jeremiah 17:7-8

  3. Amen! I love how you focus on Jesus in the rough spots. You encourage me to do that more myself, thank you!! xoxo

  4. reading blogs doesn't often make me cry, so know this when i leave this comment, please know it is genuine truth that this post made my eyes well up and my heart burst with joy. i feel so invested in you and your family within my heart. i am celebrating with you in these VERY VERY BIG MOMENTS. :) love you. and i am SO unbelievably excited about the progress you are finally seeing!

  5. what an awesome god we have! what an amazing mama you are and what a sweet boy you have!

  6. candywingo@yahoo.comNovember 15, 2012 at 2:10 PM

    What a beautiful testimony, Hannah. I love you. We will keep praying.

  7. Great verse from scripture and great post about trusting Jesus in the hard places...

  8. Such a beautiful post. Praise the Lord, o my soul.

  9. aw man, i can't even imagine how hard it must have been when you didn't feel close to him. although ollie has always been a mama's boy, connected to my hip permanently...their have been times when HIS honesty stings. He does't have that knack for sensitivity. he just tells it as it is, lol. and there were times he's say some mean things. but. the honest love he DOES have more than makes up for it and blows it out of the water because i know it's the real deal. i LOVE how you are specifically looking for the way Elijah shows he loves you. because otherwise you'd be missing out.

    on a separate note...on of John's former students, Caleb, has Aspergers. And though I never met him, I always loved hearing stories about him. In PE class today, Caleb had an epileptic seizure and his heart stopped beating. His aid who follows him around was unable to revive him with CPR and he died today in front of all the students. And I've been crying my eyes out. And hugging my sweet Ollie. His parents were Christians. It occurred to me today how INCREDIBLY unique and special Caleb was and how much he touched the lives of others. Our boys are SO SPECIAL are all children.

  10. crying reading this...thank You, Lord for giving Hannah such strength, patience and faith!

  11. these words:

    "these last few months, our family of three has felt more as one than ever before!"

    make my heart rejoice.

  12. oh girl, you are making me a mess! your post
    was just so beautiful and touching.
    i'm so glad you share your struggles with us.. it allows
    us to get to know you more and also to share in the good
    and not so good going on in your life.
    and today, reading this, i rejoice with you.
    we serve and amazing God!

  13. always so encouraged by your heart and your strength Hannah. I hope you know that...and that you touch lots of people. :) I love thankful I get to watch your journey as a are amazing and I have a lot to learn from you!

  14. rejoicing with you this morning, hannah!
    can i just say again, what a blessing you are and i am thankful that the Lord led me to 'meet' you?!
    His strength through you is so evident and powerful!
    seeing your faith unfold and you grasp on to trust in Him during the hard times is so encouraging.
    may HE continue to give you strength and are a great mama.

  15. I'm so glad you continue have faith in Elijah's ABA therapy! I am a special education teacher and recently went to a training on working with children on the autism spectrum. We had a parent panel come and talk to us. Both sets of parents credited ABA intervention as the single most impactful thing they did for their child. I pray that continues to be your experience!