Tuesday, October 02, 2012

where i stand

just now i stepped outside, crossed the street to drop off our rent money, and i cried.
handing that check over always hurts a little, but that's not what brought the tears.

i am so full. gratitude, excitement, disappointment, exhaustion, joy, heartache...
so many emotions wildly crashing their waves against my heart. 

part my own thoughts, and more overwhelmed by the thought of god and his thought of me.

i fight to feel only one wave at a time, but it can't be done. 
i'm long on thought and so short on time. 
i suppose not everything needs to be recorded with pen or blog.
 though it sure helps in the emotion sorting, doesn't it?
to get it organized, let it out a bit. the burden becomes lighter, and the joy gets shared.
i love that.

there's a sweet treat happening for me the day after tomorrow.
months of planning and building anticipation for a trip with some favorite girls.
a getaway. for just me.
i don't deserve it, but i feel like i need it. i'm grateful for a husband who agrees with me, 
and insisted that i spend money and time to go and be refreshed. to go have some fun. to rest.

i'm excited.
also grateful. especially for this:

and the lord will guide you continually
and satisfy your desire in scorched places
and make your bones strong;
and you shall be like a watered garden, 
like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.
{isaiah 58:11}

this scripture has echoed in my mind for days in a row.
i'm choosing to believe this truth, taking god at his word. he will continually guide me.
satisfy me in scorched places. the pale and dry, ashen places of my soul, he renews them!
strengthening me. watering me with his unfailing care and love. making me useful for his kingdom.
i trust him. he does this.
over and over again for me, and i will sing my thanks till my lungs give way.

it'll be hard to board that plane all by myself thursday night. 
leaving behind my darling husband and precious boy who currently has a double ear infection, 
please pray? they'll have fun of their own, and we'll swap stories when i return. 
and that's what i'll look forward to!

soon i'll be in lake placid, new york. in a cabin nestled in the autumn woods.
i can hardly wait!

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  1. When you said, "so many emotions wildly crashing their waves against my heart" I could identify with that feeling so precisely when I think of God's grace and I thank you for putting words to that feeling! That phrase really articulated it so well! I'm so happy you have that feeling and I hope you have SO MUCH FUN this weekend! I'll be praying for your little one!

  2. i agree.
    writing it down helps me get it out. instead of feeling all jumbled in my head and heart. even if its just for me to read.

    and hannah, you do deserve a little break (i mean, i get what you mean about not deserving, but in our simple human terms, you truly to deserve it).

    enjoy it. soak it in.
    i'm praying for you to get some true rest, true joy, and true refreshment this weekend.

    i'm seriously SO excited for you!

  3. Lucky you girly! That sounds absolutely fabulous! ENJOY EVERY MOMENT!!!!!!

    That verse is perfect for me today! Because frankly, I feel totally oposite of how that verse is describing!

  4. when i hold my thoughts and feelings to myself i feel like my brain turns into a bowl of spaghetti...all jumbled and twisted.

    i'm so happy for you girl. have a blast on your trip! God is good and knows exactly what we need. so i am positive you will come refreshed and full of great memories :)

  5. i'm giddy excited for you girl. this is so good for you. i think you encouraged me to do this one day, also! : )

    promise to tell us alllllll about it??

    eat extra chocolate or drink more coffee just for me!

    love you so!

  6. I pray you have the best time of encouragement, having fun with those girls and being filled up with God and come home ready to face whatever is in store for you next! Can't wait to hear all about it!

  7. Enjoy your well deserved trip with the girls!!

  8. oh, i hope you have soul-watering refreshment, dear girl. and i will pray for your little e! love you.

  9. i can relate to the flood of emotions...especially lately. i can't seem to get them straight enough to even get them out of my head, but if i could i think it would help. have a wonderful weekend away. sounds like perfection.

    1. I love you Hannah and feel the same as Jessica right now. Heavy weights on my heart.

  10. I hope all of you ladies have the GREATEST time and bask in God's goodness!
    Enjoy each minute!

  11. Have so much fun and let our heart soak up all that love.

  12. hannah i just love you. really you are such a gift. i absolutely love this line, "i'm long on thought and so short on time." that is like the story of my life right there girl. i hope and pray you ladies have such an amazing time of sisterhood. meanwhile i will be chanting, i will not be jealous, i will not be jealous, i will not be jealous.

  13. Wow, good for you! That is going to be an amazing adventure. Thanks for sharing today, especially Isaiah 58:11. I cannot even tell you how much that speaks to my soul, living in the desert place right now. God is everywhere and He gives the water we need to our thirsty hearts. So much appreciate the reminder. Now, go and have some fun in the woods!!