Tuesday, September 04, 2012

i can't sleep, so i'm rambling to you. {on kindness and such}



beloved, if god so loved us, 
we also ought to love one another.
{1 john 4:11}

i was texting with a friend last night.
which was really only a few hours ago
it was unexpected and encouraging.

what started out as lost is the greatest show of all time sort of talk, 
ended up with me blinking back tears. of sadness and gratitude. 

i somehow ended up sharing a few things on my heart, 
and when i was finished, i didn't regret it. 
sometimes i do regret sharing. 
especially when i'm not sharing with another special needs mom.

first, i'm still so new to all this, and i don't want to sound full of anxiety, frustration and discontent. 
because i'm not full of those things, but they can seem prevalent in a "moment", you know?
i am fresh at managing my emotions, and could easily burden another person with my sharing so openly.

secondly, i'm usually regretful, because i fear that i've scared off my friend 
by being so needy/helpless/whining sounding.

basically, i'm a little terrified of any real conversations. i prefer listening these days.

well, last night i realized that i felt comfortable sharing with this sweet friend, and it made me so grateful!
it was like i'd felt with this friend several weeks ago. safe.
i feel like she understood that, well, she doesn't need to understand. because i sure don't "get" everything.

this is very important to me at this time in my life.
having people to talk and listen with, 
even when we may not understand each others lives fully, 
we connect.
because we care to do so.

my texting last night also grieved me. i saw that friend respond and love me. 
i was sad that i often fear the opposite from people. i almost repel people from my heart, 
because i decide ahead of time that they will be burdened or feel uncomfortable.

the truth is, it doesn't matter what their response is.
i can't base my love for another on how accepting and loving they are to me.
quickly i will have no friends. because, hello! we all fall short. 
we just can't be the best friends all the time.

many friends in my life? they do hear me, they listen. they care.
they know it's not their job to heal my heart, or fix my troubles.
they are just there, being a friend.

i've shared before about friendship (even blog ones!).
well, i've sort of lost touch with the idea of making new ones, and being friendly in general.
my own friends have inspired me to get my happy face back on and share it.

there are people around me every single day who need a friend.
i'm not talking about becoming bff with every person i meet, but that's a welcome bonus.
what i'm aiming at is to take note of every person in my path and see, 
what do they need today?

wherever there is a human being,
there is an opportunity for kindness.
{seneca}

i've been so wrapped up in my own new found fears, 
exhaustion and insecurities, that i've lost my smile.

worse, i've almost stopped noticing who needs one.
praise jesus that he's not stopped noticing me.

praise jesus for giving me people who love me in spite of myself.
praise jesus for a smile from a stranger.

it's all from him. kindness is god's grace. 
it's unnatural to us, to show kindness to another.
we need to practice it, we need to be more kind.

listening and laughing with a friend.
offering a hello and a smile to the stranger that catches our eye.
no. purposefully meeting their focus and greeting them, that's what i'm after.

being aware of others more, 
and not my own needs and happenings, this is not simple for me.
but it's sure possible. i'm asking the lord to work in my heart right now:
to accept and offer kindness readily and wholeheartedly.
for his glory and the good he would have come of it all.



linked up with this encouraging friend today, join us!


10 comments:

  1. Great message for me. I am also in a situation with one of my kids that most people don't know and no one (at least no one that I know) can I talk to about it. So, like you, I stay on the fringes, afraid to talk to people. But, what I need to remember is that to have a friend, I must be a friend. Even if they aren't going through the exact same thing, they can just be there, with a loving and listening heart. Thanks, Hannah!!

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  2. "i prefer listening these days." I hear you, sister. I'm so glad you pushed your neck out there a little and risked. Why do we worry so much about these things?? Praying for you today... xo

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  3. I love your ramblings Hannah. You make more sense in your rambles than I could ever hope to make in a regular ole' non-ramble conversation. "Safe" people or friends are a gift from God. I often forget to be vulnerable and prefer to be the one listening, rather than talking, but God is good to give us those times with beloved friends or family where we realize how great our need is for each other. This was really beautiful. I love that quote at the end too.

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  4. when i was learning about ollie's issues I prattled on and on and on to my sisters on the phone and thankfully they were so sweet and just listened and loved.

    i totally agree that we can only try to befriend someone and tell them our hearts. it's up to them how they respond. we should always respond as Jesus would, regardless of their response. this is hard, hard, hard because it means you open yourselves to all kinds of hurts...but also to all kinds of wonderful things too.

    and yes, the best way for me to take my mind off my woes is to reach out to someone ELSE who is hurting. we are in a world full of hurting people at all times. even the ones who don't look like they are hurting.

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  5. great post, great reminder! love it.

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  6. oh dear. how i hear you... i have bunkered down in my safe foxhole for far too long... it stinks in here. ;) thanks for the truth sweet one. :)

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  7. I <3 you for your honesty. Because I feel the same way at times - although my topics are different. Also your last quote...made me smile. Il ove it.

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  8. hannah, thank you so much for posting this.
    it was cool drink for my soul and slap across the face all at the same time (a much needed one, please believe).

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  9. That is one of my favorite quotes! Thanks for sharing your heart, your thoughts, fears, and victories. I can really relate to a lot of what you feel. I often assume someone will not like me or that I am burdening them in some way that I end up cutting off an opportunity for something good to happen. Thanks for the encouragement!

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  10. Honestly, this line "basically, i'm a little terrified of any real conversations. i prefer listening these days" struck me and I didn't read much after.

    I'm experiencing a major season of transition and uncertainty right now and those two sentences describe me to the core right now. I don't want to answer questions about what our plans are, where we're going, and what God is doing because I don't have a clue. I want to read, listen, and just be. Talking takes too much for me right now.

    Anyway, all of that to say thank you for this post and I know how you feel. <3

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