Tuesday, August 28, 2012

right now


this morning as we headed out for preschool, elijah asked for his hat, of course i went back in for it.
it took us a minute to realize what he wanted. it made me think that, lord willing, 
one day he'll have a huge vocabulary and we'll understand every word the first time.
and i'll miss that little voice asking for a "hett-uh".

a day will come when his favorite hat won't fit him, maybe already?
all too soon he'll outgrow his carseat, and ride like a big boy.
some day, he won't need me to check his seatbelt. he may be driving himself.

it makes me all sorts of weepy to think about how quickly time pushes forward.
with each milestone and achievement, i realize that this may very well be the last time i experience these things.
no more babies rolling over, no more teething, not more first words. no more preschool.

so i need to pay attention, be present. i want to remember everything.
the good days and the difficult ones.
because there's beauty and growth waiting in it all.

there are days, like today, when i get overwhelmed with thoughts of the future.
i start crying already for things that haven't even happened yet! like elijah starting highschool.
i get sad now about elijah not being a kid anymore.
i can really be ridiculous sometimes.

well, guess what?
he is a kid. right now.
i could be sad about time moving so quickly.
but i'm choosing to see this day.
right now.
that's what i want to set my heart toward.
this is where i am, where i need to be. right now.

i don't have grace to handle him being a teenager and needing me less...
because i don't need that grace now.
i have sufficient grace for right now.
there's no need to be anxious or grieved for my future.
the lord is there, and he will carry me when i get there.
just as he is today.
right now.


linked up with this fancy lady. check her out, and be encouraged!

>>> <<<
p.s.

you should know, i am an emotional wreck this afternoon.

my sister gave birth to a sweet baby girl yesterday.
i cannot believe my sister is a mama to two babes!

i said goodbye to my dad at the airport this morning.
praying it's sooner than another year when i can see him again!

praise the lord for a new niece and a great visit with my pops!

14 comments:

  1. You help me to be a better mom. Point my head and heart in the right direction. Thank you.

    He looks so dapper in his hat. He must have a bigger one when that one gets too small.

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  2. Hello Friend! It's been too too long. Elijah DOES look big in his hat and so does Ronan so I completely understand your weepiness today. I am also praying to be present in every moment because you miss so many if you're not. Hope you are doing well!!

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  3. I suppose we are meant to be friends, because reading this post made me quite weepy for how quickly eg is growing up and for how quickly my own boy is growing. sometimes I catch a glimpse of Nolan & I can just see him as a grown boy crashing forward with his easygoing happiness and it just makes me weep! cherishing who he is today & always looking forward to the future.
    ps. maybe after eg outgrows that hat he can send it to Nol. maybe by then Nolan will actually wear hats. fingers crossed.
    pss. i love you
    psss. you help me be a better momma
    pssss. if I had $30 to spare you know what would be in your mailbox tomorrow. meow.

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  4. If you hadn't gone back for his hat I'm sure I could have forgiven you.
    I actually started crying the other day thinking about my kids having their own families. Will they come visit us? What if they scatter all over the country? Will they even like us? Once I pulled myself together I realized I need to appreciate that I have them with me now. We are not promised tomorrow. I love the stage each of my kids are in right now. So true what you said about God giving enough grace for right now. It's all we need. Love you!

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  5. Your posts are just about always what I need to hear.
    My "babies" are all at school now. My oldest just started high school. It seems like just yesterday she was starting PreK. Some days I really miss those times, but I am trying to live for now. To enjoy these days. You gave me a good reminder. :)

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  6. praying for you. that's a lot in one day!

    and yeah, totally understand the being present thing. it's a struggle for me. but totally worth the fight.

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  7. Oh sweet friend, so much going on! I was prompted earlier to shoot you a text and I didn't listen. well, actually I guess the devil talked me out of it. that tricky bad guy.

    Elijah is is the cutest in that hat.

    xxoo

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  8. This spoke straight to my mama heart. Thanks for that, you.

    I could stare at those Elijah eyes all day. What a precious boy he is. He's blessed to have you. Hugs all around!

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  9. I do it too: mourn for things before they're here. love this right now perspective. and you! Bless you guys! <3 <3

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  10. such true words friend. Parker and I talk almost daily about how we are so sad time is flying so fast wit our girls. but I seriously need to stop that. :) and just remember I have NOW. right now. thanks girl...and congrats Auntie Hannah! :)

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  11. Elijah is so adorable! I have a nephew and I don't get to see him too often because I'm away at school, but I get sad sometimes about how quickly he's growing up. Good thinking to push past it.
    Congratulations to your family on the new addition!!

    -Rachel
    http://adventures-in-rachel-land.blogspot.com

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  12. Oh that hat. It melts me. Praying for your heart dear friend.

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  13. that hat is just him. you need it in the next 5 sizes. i love it on him.

    and "hett-uh"...that is the most precious thing in all the world.

    i get sad about them growing up too....

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  14. you know, i remember reading somewhere about how we often catch the 'firsts'...first step, first laugh, first swim, but we rarely can pinpoint the 'lasts' because we hardly ever know when they've hit. i study my fourteen year old (surreptitiously across the room) and wonder: when was the last time he held my hand? the last time he called me 'mommy' instead of 'mom'? the last time he cried in a thunderstorm and i hurried to his bed and prayed?

    parts of me wish we could somehow know when the lasts hit, treasure them bigger somehow, but then i also wonder if we'd suffer a thousand tiny heartbreaks for the knowing.

    but you are right, i love my children at every single age and size, and the bestest thing is bringing them to Jesus, so there never has to be a last time together in His presence. ever.

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