one thing i am grateful for? that nothing depends on me and how i feel.
sometimes i don't feel like god's word is true.
i feel helpless and forsaken. frazzled and weary.
familiar passages like trust in the lord at all times, lean not on your own understanding....
sometimes i feel like i just need to figure it out. i feel like it all needs to make sense.
i've memorized psalm 112:7
he is not afraid of bad news;
his heart is firm, trusting in the lord.
but when a bit of bad news actually happens, i sometimes don't feel so firm in my trust.
shaky and abandoned maybe, but not firm.
yesterday, i was reminded that i can be firm in my heart, lean hard into christ, even when i feel the opposite.
speaking scripture, out loud, in prayer to god.
asking him to help me trust him. over and over again.
he calms my racing heart, unclenches my teeth and gives me peace.
the trouble hasn't gone. i can't see an end in sight.
but he is working on me. he is working in me.
and i am trusting him to hold me up.