Tuesday, May 01, 2012

a timely smile

oh, elijah grey.
i've been so frail of mind and body these last few days.
feels like you haven't even noticed.

at first this frustrated me.
yesterday i even said to you,
"can you please just slow the heck down? mama has a sinus infection, i need you to relax!"
and you answered me with nothing more than more merry jumping and shouting.

and i may have pretended that your climbing on my back was a massage.
because it almost felt like one.

i cried as i sat with you at lunch.
my heart was sad that i wasn't being very much fun.
you were so cute! telling me something important about your care bear. i think.

i was irritated at my headache, and desperate for a nap.
i told you i was sorry for being grumpy and asked you to forgive me.

sometimes i wonder if you understand anything i say, because you seem so focused on another thing.

yesterday, you knew exactly what i needed.

we both needed to smile.

and there isn't much that spreads a smile so wide as that, your favorite goofy grin.
i don't remember when you started making this hilarious face, but i am so glad it's here.

thanks for letting me capture our favorite smile on camera.
i know it's difficult for you to look at me sometimes, so this was solid gold.

thanks for sharing your sweetness.

elijah, all these things papa and mama are trying to learn about you?
you are teaching us most of it.
and we want to know more.
be patient with us?

we adore you, little one!

Sweet Shot Day


  1. What a cutie! I know it can be hard mama but hang in there!

  2. I am deeply touched. I love this sweet, tender post. Your journey is one reason along with several others that drew me to read your blog. My brother and SIL are blessed with a beautiful girl,they too are on this journey. It was just several years ago they learned she was autistic. They are trying to learn right along with her...and some days are hard. I found this poem last year...I think you may like it. Well, i hope you do. Blessings to you. Mica

    When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into his sixth day of 'overtime' when an angel appeared and said,"You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."
    And the Lord said "Have you read the specs on this order? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have 180 movable parts – all replaceable, run on black coffee and leftovers, have a lap that disappears when she stands up, a kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair and six pairs of hands, ears that will hear things she doesn't want to hear, a mouth that can gently kiss away scrapes and bruises and yet tear the hide right off of those who try anything against the best interests of her child.
    Yes, this model will have to be able to sit patiently and listen to outlandish reports about her child without flinching. She will have to hear how hopeless it all is and know that it isn't so. She will have to have those kinds of eyes which don't tear when she hears other mothers talk about how well things are going for their children."
    The angel shook its head slowly and said, "Six pairs of hands, yet? No way." "It's not the hands that are causing the problems," said the Lord. "It's the three pairs of eyes this mother has to have." "That's on the standard model"? asked the angel.
    The Lord nodded and said, "One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, "What are you kids doing in there?" when she already knows. Another pair here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn't but what she has to know and, of course, the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up for the 99th time and say, "I understand and I love you anyway" without so much as uttering a word.
    "Lord," said the angel, touching his sleeve gently, "come to bed. Tomorrow…" "I can't, answered the Lord, "I am so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick, feeds a family of six on one pound of hamburger and gets her nine-year-old to stand under a shower." The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. "It's too soft," it sighed.
    "But tough!" said the Lord excitedly. "You cannot imagine what this mother can do or endure." "Can it think?" asked the angel. "Not only can it think," said the Creator, "it can reason and compromise."
    Finally, the angel bent over and ran a finger across the cheek. "There is a leak," it pronounced. "I told you that you were trying to put too much into this model." "That's not a leak, said the Lord, "it's a tear." "What's it for?" asked the angel.
    "Tears are for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness and pride… this model will know a lot about all that" answered the Lord, "But you know" He continued, "I don't even remember putting that tear there." "By the way", asked the angel, "what will you call this model?"
    "I will call this one simply, the mother of an autistic child."
    Author Unknown

  3. Oh, tears are streaming here. Such a sweet message to a sweet boy from a good mama.

  4. Love everything about this post!

  5. OK...this was so sweet!! He will treasure this one day.

    Great shots, he's just adorable!!

  6. Beautiful. I hope you're feeling better. : )

  7. Pure sweetness. You bless me hannah and little Elijah's smile is the best. Those eyes of his on the second pic i keep going back to. SO so sweet.

  8. Did I just cry through this?

    Why, yes I did.

    That child is precious up one side and down the other.

    And his Mama... she's the queen bee in my book.

    Have a very happy, headache free, full of smiles day today, my friend!

  9. Hannah, this picture is precious. He is precious. You know you are a rockstar. It's ok to be tired, and sick and short on patience. Those are the times we can lean into God, trust in our dependence on Him. I love you. And also, you should frame that last picture. xoxo

  10. That second picture... awesome. It's tough reading blogs sometimes because we can't do any more than leave a comment when what I really want to do is hug you. Or take E to the park with my kids so you can have a break. I'm praying that your body will heal soon and that you'll find time to rest.

  11. This is such a sweet post. I love his expression; he is too freakin' cute!

  12. love those captured smiles, God's grace in our weary days for sure! get better, hannah! i'm joining you on the 'sick train' right now......so i feel your pain. big virtual hug to you!
    <3 <3 <3

  13. oh i melt! seriously, i'm a puddle. precious!

  14. Prayers for you to heal quickly! Elijah's sweet smile is so precious... blessed to hear how despite the rough circumstances, love is conquering :)

  15. praise the lord for the sweet moments you got.
    i know how important they are, especially for you guys.
    a little treat in your day from Jesus.
    (sometimes I ask the Lord for specific little things like this, like Lord, I could really use this today - if you will, and all).
    he is usually pretty inclined to answer. i just forget to ask, a lot.

    how are you feeling?

  16. Beautiful post, Hannah. I hope you're feeling better! Thank you for sharing such sweet photos of Elijah with us. Love to you, friend!

  17. oh hannah dear. absolutely precious. i even got chill bumps. you are such a sweet and tender hearted mother. even if your sick or grouchy, you are so perfect for your boy. praying that you are over this mountain of a cold! love ya.

  18. how sweet your little boy looks! I´m sure you are the greatest parents He could ever wish for!

  19. Love this post. Love his smile. Especially the third pic - that is a good smile! I think you are the best possible parents out there for him. And I bet when you're grumpy, you're not even THAT grumpy.

    Also....loved Kim's comment cuz undo that too.

  20. Oh my goodness, what a beautiful, incredible, special little boy you have. What a sweetheart!

  21. i love you friend! love your precious mama heart. and give elijah a kiss for me :)

  22. Elijah has a smile that would melt anyone's heart. What a precious little guy! You can tell how much he loves you by the way he looks into your camera.

  23. He has a beautiful, adorable smile!! Keep giving yourself grace, mama. Love to you.

  24. oh, i love that little eg. what a smile! what a gift he is.

  25. aw! elijah grey is so precious. and what a great name, too :]