Thursday, May 03, 2012

things i'm afraid to tell you

i'm joining ez and others today for something important.

this project was directly inspired by this post by jess. i just love these ladies!

i believe that it's a healthy thing, for us to share some of our messy bits.
the imperfect, real parts of our lives are often what connects our hearts to each other the most.

sometimes i forget that i keep this blog for myself and my family.
to remember both beautiful and the hard things in this life we're in.

as i shared here, i think it's crucial to reflect on my own history.
being reminded of the grace of god, his provision for me? it helps me tackle all the new days.
it helps me glorify him with my story, to see him written in the pages.

my life isn't perfect, i am not always "the sweetest person" as i'm often called.
also, i like to think i'm pretty normal, but i am a complete weirdo.
i think i already share much of my heart here with you, on the blog.
but of course, like you, there are many things i keep to myself.

here are a few things i'm afraid to tell you:

*sometimes i slam doors and huff around as loud as i can when i don't get my way.

*when someone says something rude to me, my first reaction is usually a desire to slap them.

*i get a new glass almost every time i get a glass of water. "old" water freaks me out.
and i fight anxiety when at a restaurant, i need to see my drink being poured.

*my blood pressure rises if i'm running late. sometimes i enjoy making people feel guilty for making me so. 

*whenever i am in public, i feel like everyone is noticing how overweight i am.

that last one brings me to my main thing.
most times i share "heart stuff" after i've come to a healing place with it.
today i'm putting something out here that's as fresh as a minute ago.

my friend angel posted this last week. and that was the push i needed to get real.
my hard heart about this broke, and i heard the lord loud and clear. it's time to come clean and get free.

and when ez mentioned this project, i knew today was the day.

it's been over ten years since i was a controlled substance abuser.
i couldn't even tell you how much cocaine, speed or ecstasy and more i put into my body.
my addiction was strong, and i realized its power when i tried to quit. i thought i had control of it.
i would go a few days without sleep, and even more days without food.
i think i was eating about twice a week. and it was usually a pizza delivered with a 2 liter of mt dew,
or a few drive thru cheeseburgers and fries. i went months without even thinking of fruits or vegetables.

strangely, that was not what i'm afraid to tell you.

i was set free from drug addiction late in the summer of 1999.
a miracle of god. he freed me!
it was like my body was on fire for awhile, and i made anyone around me miserable.
but praise jesus that passed and i haven't used drugs since i laid them down.

i started eating again. i quickly added weight to my sickly frame.
i was healthy for the first time in awhile. it felt really good.

and i love food.

too much.

i traded one addiction for another. an "acceptable" one.

for years now, food has been my truest friend.
purchasing it, preparing it, eating it; all brings me comfort and joy.
even when i was still relatively healthy, food was my idol.

when a stressful or grieving thing arises, i turn to food.
when i'm with friends or hosting a party, it's about the food.
when i'm super happy, i celebrate with food.
and i can't stop eating.

i am addicted to food.

a bowl of good-for-me strawberries turns into cheese and crackers,
then to a dozen cookies, then you'd be ill if i told you the rest.

only lately, since gaining even more weight back than i lost last year, have i really seen the light of this.
it's beyond enjoying the taste, i find myself eating and eating, without thinking at all.
as strong-willed as i am, i have zero self-control around food.

i'm afraid to tell you that even though i feel sick after eating.
even though none of my clothes fit properly.
even though i feel awful, so weak and tired.
i still eat too much food.

i want to be able to enjoy food again. i don't want to live for it.
my heart needs to get right, and not dream of beautifully plated desserts every time i am in tears.
chips and salsa become gross when i'm practically sick from eating too much.

i am the heaviest i've ever been.
it's dangerous for me because i really hide it so well, with my weight so evenly carried.
some days i feel helpless and i always feel totally exhausted.
the misery i feel in this gross and constant feeding had me paralyzed.

and here's where i tell you what i'm not afraid to tell you.

i don't feel paralyzed today.
i'm not letting food control my thoughts today.
i saw the state of my life with food right now, and am turning from it and looking to jesus.
i begged god for help, and he is pouring it into my life.

when i first quit using drugs, it was a daily thing, saying no, not wanting to hunt down a fix.

the same goes for this addiction. denying myself food that i don't need. battling myself.
but i'm not alone, and i'm ready for a new life, a life where i can enjoy food and not be bound to it.
my past attempts proved only temporary, and it's time to beat the hell out of this hold that food has on me.

i'll be sharing more about this very soon. because i need to. and maybe you need me to?
i've got some plans in place that i believe will be helping me.

be encouraged today, that thing that you're afraid to tell about yourself?
go ahead and tell. you can even share it with me!
find a friend to share it with, someone who will listen and help you, and not judge you.
you are not alone.

{ updates on this post here and here, thanks for listening!}


  1. You are courageous and beautiful Hannah! Your story and strength you've shown today will be effecting countless people's lives. I am absolutely certain of it. Hold your head high and know that you are amazing!
    xo Ez

    1. oh, sweet ez. thank you! for encouraging me to even do this!
      hugs to you, friend xo

  2. You are the bravest birdie in the nest.

    I also have a food ordeal. I know it, and I choose to ignore it.

    The thing is, when I tell people they think I'm crazy. They say how skinny I am. I'm not. I am very tall and I spread it evenly.

    And then I run to the pantry. Again.

    It is the thing I go to when I am happy, sad, upset, tired, energetic, etc...

    It is the first thing I think of when an invitation to ANYTHING comes in the mail.

    It consumes my day.

    Last Thursday I decided to lay down one thing. I chose Coca-Cola. The caffiene was really getting to me. I haven't had any since. Only water and decaf tea. Ok, and a Double Chocolatly Chip drink from Starbucks, but that totally was not a Coke!

    I'm rooting for you girl. If you need accountability CALL ME. I will tell you to put whatever it is down.

    And I'll join you, as SOON as the Spring Festival leaves. I need one last funnel cake. :)


    1. in this together, girlfriend. love you!

  3. love you hannah. i have so many words, and i texted you a few of them.
    the Lord can and will do something mighty here.
    i know because I have seen it myself.
    all glory to Him.

    love you!

    1. kim, he is at work already. so grateful for new days and new mercies.
      AND grateful for YOU, my dear. love you xo

  4. Well my friend, you are brave. And strong. And I'm here to help you beat the hell out of this food addiction. You have overcome so much already, I have complete faith that God will free you of this also. Can't wait to hear about the details of how you plan to do it. xoxo

    1. thank you, jami. it's such a boost, having you alongside me. god is so faithful. love you so much!!

  5. I´m so grateful for this post. I feel that I can share something now, that I´m afraid to post on my own blog I don´t want some of my friends and family to know. I´m a smoker. And I´m a Christian. And that doesn´t work well in some peoples eyes. I ask God over and over again to take it away. It´s a battle. Another thing I´m afraid to share is that i´m bipolar (type2) and it makes me feel ashamed to let people know. It´s just so hard to be honest. I´m happy I could atleast share it with you! Thank you

    1. dana, it is hard to be honest. i'm so glad you shared here. smoking is tough. truly, it was harder to quit than drugs. i'll be praying that you can be free from it. more though, that you would be free from shame. if smoking is keeping you from drawing you closer to jesus, he will take it from you when you ask...perhaps there are more important things to conquer right now? smoking is bad for us, true, but it doesn't mean you are a bad person ;) i'm praying for you! don't be afraid to open up about your struggles, praying you are surrounded with encouraging, loving friends and family. hugs to you.

  6. great post! i love getting to know the "real" person. i too can throw quite the sissy!

  7. Such an amazing post! Thank you so much for sharing & I so look forward to your upcoming posts about your food addiction.

    1. thank you, andrea! i'm actually excited to share my journey :)

  8. Hannah - you are amazing friend. for real. I am so honored that you shared your true heart and reality here. we've "chatted" about this before, and Im gonna be posting about my food issues soon too. I have a major major addiction to sugar, as I think I told you recently. and its no joke, its no laughing matter. it is a Stronghold in my life that I know the Lord is trying to free me from. He wants ALL of me and Im realizing that I can't give Him that if I am in an "affair" with sugar all the time. if that makes sense. :) anyways, thanks for your inspiring honesty. love you girl!

    1. yes, sara! he wants all of us! glad to be battling together :) praying for you, girl! xoxo

  9. Wow. I'm sitting here reading this with a stomach that feels half sick from all of the dough I ate while making Snickerdoodles for Andy to take to his parents in Tennessee. Then I kept eating the baked cookies. It is so hard for me to stop when they are right in front of me!!! Not a good way to be a good steward of the body God has given me:-(

    1. nancy, it is hard when it's right in front of you :) press on, friend! xo

  10. You just wrote something that has completely knocked the breath out of my lungs. I am having the exact. same. problem/issue/addiction with food. I traded over-spending with over eating and I too am the biggest I have ever been. I briefly lost about 30 pounds last year but I think I have gained it all back and more. I have no control what so ever. In fact, one of my good girlfriends was just over and I was talking/crying to her about how miserable I feel and that I don't know what to do. None of my friends are overweight so its hard for them to understand. Will I always be this way? I feel so hopeless. You are an angel for sharing this. Truely.
    Hugs to you brave lady. XO Jen

    1. jennifer! oh, girl. NO. you will not always be this way.
      we will not.
      fight with me! we DO have hope.
      and through HIS power, we CAN beat this. start now.
      praying and cheering for you! xo

  11. Hannah you are such a real person. I think that is why so many love you. You give us the good and the bad. I wish I had the nerve to put some of this stuff on my blog. I have no problem saying 'we went there,did that and bought this' but I've never mentioned that I'm 5'2 and 230lbs.......that I need crisis intervention services for my son.......that the night I met my husband I was so stoned and he was on acid.

    We are sinners saved by His Grace. Life gets messy and out of control.I've asked for his help before. I need to do it again..........

    You are so awesome and encouraging. Thank you for that!!

    1. Hi Friend! So glad to see you sharing on here. I most often only share the happy/pretty/exciting things on my blog too. I will pray that God works all this our tof you. He can. He will. Stay patient. Keep smiling. And besides, we're going to SNAP next year! :)

    2. nikki, i am so glad you feel comfortable sharing with me. yes! ask him for help, he will hear you.
      pressing on with you, friend! xo

  12. hannah, you are brave & strong & amazing. all things are possible through God. my heart is with you on this journey. great things are being done through you - i am sure this post will move many people, i know it moved me.

    i struggled for years with food/exercise issues it was through my delivery from those things that Jesus found me. it is a part of my path that i always have to remain aware of, but i am learning more and more that i need to trust where i can find true freedom.

    today i really enjoy food and cooking, it is my love language for sure. i just need to keep it in it's place : )

    i look forward to hearing your plan!

    1. yes, jessica! god is so faithful. keeping food in its place is the key :)

      hugs xo

  13. Wow Hannah, I'm SO VERY GLAD you did this today. We all hide things. And then feel guilty. Im' home alone during the week and sometimes I wait until my husband is gone to buy junky food, then make sure to eat it before he comes home and finds out. But I end up telling him anyways because I hate secrets. Food has a BIG control on me too. I'm definitely the biggest I've ever been. EVER. It's affecting our ability to get pregnant which is really ALL I HAVE EVER WANTED! And you would think that would make me quit eating right? And start working out like a mad woman? Nope. NOt really. And so the same sinks in and what do we girls like to do when that happens? Go grab a cookie/ice cream/chips/pizza/soda/all of the above! Oy. What a vicious cycle.
    I've been praying for God to take all the demons away, but not diligently and lately I haven't even been seeking Him regularly. Starting that NOW. He can work on us. He will.
    Love this Hannah. Thank you! Look forward to more posts on this topic.

    1. it is a vicious cycle, friend. let's press on, cling to jesus and get free! xo

  14. so proud of you and totally with you in this struggle, friend! praise Jesus for all He's set you free from! this is not too difficult for Him either. and I don't care how many doors you slam, you're still the sweetest person alive ;)

    1. oh, aly. you just don't know :):)
      praise jesus this isn't too difficult for HIM.
      and girl, i am so thankful for you. xoxo

  15. Love you, Hannah! You are amazing! And I'm so glad you shared! Maybe I'll be brave too! I love hearing stories of God's redemption and how He sanctifies His people! It's truly beautiful, just like you!

    1. god is so good!! sanctification is a painful thing, grateful for mercy. thanks for cheering me on, sweet friend! xo

  16. bless your heart for sharing this, hannah.
    you are such an encouragement to me and so many women.
    i have battled this myself, and with the Lord's help, have broken the cycle of addictive eating.
    He can and will help you, too! trust in Him, dear one. :)
    God is going to use this for His glory, for you, and for so many other women who struggle with this very thing.
    i'll be praying.

    1. oh, mary. thank you for your encouragement!
      thanks for praying. god is so faithful, and i am trusting.
      love ya!

  17. i love you and thank you so much for sharing this, friend. we need to chat more about this - praying for you and this journey!! i

  18. thanks for sharing your truth. i think a lot of folks can relate, and you are giving them a voice. you are a strong, lovely woman in the Lord and i am so blessed to know you!

  19. Hi Hannah. I hadn't followed your blog for the silly reason that it wouldn't show up on my Blogger list with the others but today I subscribed to have your posts come to my email (I also follow you on Instagram). This post is such an inspiration. Being real. Showing vulnerability. It's awesome and as weird as it may sound, I'm proud of you for writing it. Can't wait to follow along now and get to know you more.

    Blessings to you Hannah!

    1. krista, you are funny :)
      thanks for your sweet words. grateful for your encouragement!

  20. You are amazingly strong and and caring. It shows in everything you do, how you parent, how you encourage. I am glad you are are turning that goodness in on your self. You deserve it. There will be a lot of people here cheering you on.

    I went through a really bad time about 5 years ago. I gained almost 40 pounds in six months. Worse than the weight, was where I was in my heart and head. It took a over a year to loose the weight - but even longer to really feel better. Praying for you.

    1. thank you so much for your encouragement, dear nessa!

  21. it is brave be be naked before people you don't know and to wear your heart on your sleeve. Your courage will surely be a blessing to others. It has me today. Thank you for sharing these things that are so private and hard. What an inspiration. I have a history of abuse from my father and guys in my life before my Knight and Shining armor rode up on his black steed ( his black camaro that is) and saved me...I was also saved by God and His grace. I became quite ill about 10 years ago which led into depression and gained almost 100 pounds to date. This too is the heaviest I have been. I still struggle with self control for food, I eat when stressed or depressed and I feel like crap. I pray to find the courage and control and get rid of the guilt and depression to find myself. I am going back to re-read this post. Thank you again for being so real, you surely are not alone. God is good. I will keep you lifted up in prayer. Mica

    1. oh, mica. thank you! i've been praying for both of us :)

  22. Such a brave woman. . .the road you've been down, the one you're on now. Such a gift to this community of women. Ironically, I shared something today--unbeknownst to me this project that you are a part of. Keep sharing friend. You speak beauty and life into many of our hearts: ) Thank you.

  23. I have been through similar struggles with food...for most of my teens and twenties. You are incredibly brave to share so openly your trials and struggles with something many of us know all too well. Thinking of you today, and saying a prayer for you.

    1. we are not alone. thankful for your encouragement, stephanie. always blessed by you! xo

  24. i first saw a link to the "things i'm afraid to tell you" at satsuma press...i didn't realize that it was a meme-of-sorts. all day i have been thinking about the things i'm afraid to tell you. your post gives me courage.

  25. Wow. Thank you so much for sharing—your post is so brave. To lay all this out plain and in view of everyone is so hard, isn't it? You can do this. You control you, and you can shape what your future and life is like. Just remember that, and have faith!

  26. Awesome, Hannah! Way to go! The enemy loves to convince us to keep our stuff to ourselves so that we can sulk in the shame, but you showed him today!! I love it and YOU! I'm with you in this, friend. Can't wait to watch another layer of freedom in your life unfold.

  27. HUUUUUGS! I hear you loud and clear! I'm home alone most every day, and I understand the constant desire to march downstairs and devour everything I can find before my husband comes home to find out. You have a support system, here to listen if things get tough. YOU CAN DO THIS!

  28. Oh Hannah I love the bananas out of you! Yes you are so strong and I so get this addiction to food. I too have written about my struggles with it. I know God will use this, you'll get victory, and it'll just be another part to your testimony. Loved this whole post and the idea of sharing these things. Cant wait to hear/ see what all He does thru you. Praying...:)

  29. I agree that I also mostly post about things that have been addressed and resolved, and sometimes that can make me look a lot sweeter, more humble or kinder than I really am. But only because I've gotten past the situation/attitude that needed resolving. Thank you for sharing about your struggle with food. I fear this to be my greatest weakness as well (if you can't tell from my blog). It hasn't become an idol or addiction yet but I want to be aware of it to keep it that way. I'm looking forward to hearing what the Lord is doing in your heart as your process through this. Prayers for you, friend!

  30. Wow. I could not admire you more for this post. I'm with you on the food addiction...I gave up smoking about ten years ago and have become more addicted to food than anything else in my life. UGH. But thank you for sharing your story. I LOVE this series so much. I am in such awe of everyone who has participated, and I'm glad I did myself.

  31. Thank you for sharing this.

  32. I love you so much for your bravery in this post! You are such an inspiration, Hannah. Thank you for your honesty and transparency here. xoxo

  33. Thank you for your honesty, you are very brave, big hug!.

  34. I want to hug you.

    You are so awesome for sharing your real struggles.

  35. What courage it must have taken to type this post. I am inspired by your bravery, honesty, and energy to address these issues head-on. I wish you the best and hope that getting everything "out there" for the world to see will help you feel supported and encouraged. :)

  36. oh sweet girl. i love ya. praying for you. it's so hard. my weight pendulum has swung back and forth most of my life. it's hard not to think about food all the time. especially when you want to lose weight. the irony! you are so right to fill yourself with Jesus. you are headed on the right path... He will carry you across it.

  37. thanks for your honesty here and vulnerability, it's a beautiful thing hannah, and brave. gosh if we all did a post like this, we'd have posts as long as from here to New Zealand. PTL for humility..


  38. sending you a big hug and thank you for your honesty and your humble heart. and thank You, Lord that Hannah is here today!!! :)

  39. I know we already texted about this but I wanted to say again that I love you and am so proud of you for putting yourself out there to be used for God's glory!!

  40. Oh Hannah thank you for being brave and bearing your soul. May Jesus release you of this and set you free. Much love to you friend (I just wrote a Things I'm Afraid to Tell You post too).

  41. Thanks for sharing. I recently figured out that food is my addiction too. I just started Lisa Tuerkhurst's Made to Crave Bible Study and it's helped me realize that, for me, my food issues were a spiritual problem. You can be victorious. He delivered you from drugs. I'm praying for you. I'm glad you shared your heart. xoxo

  42. i love you, hannah. you are beautiful. Jesus in you is beautiful that is the very first thing i noticed about you. and you have the gift of hospitality. you bring people together and are intentional about loving people out loud. that is who you are. that is what i see.

    i admire your vulnerability. like you i wait until i've worked through it to share it. i'm an ugly mess in the midst of it, and would absolutely speak foolishness if i didn't allow grace to have it's way with me before i posted. but this, this is good, your honest, humble, authenticity.

    so many have this same struggle. in fact we all do. we are all addicted to something, allowing something to reign in our lives over the LORD our GOD. that's why the first commandment is "you shall have no other God's before me." God knew, knows, we will replace Him with anything and everything, and in so doing lose out on the FULLNESS of Him.

    i pray for God to lead you as you seek to allow Him to reign in your life in this area. i pray for you to hunger and thirst for Him, only. Be satisfied in Him only. Be found in Him only. "God is God there is no other, God is God there is none like Him" in everything.

    to Him be the glory in your life! i KNOW there will be.

  43. Hannah, friend, you are so very brave.
    Thank you for sharing. Know you are most definitely not alone.
    And I agree with Denise - we all struggle with an addiction to something,
    and I pray you will overcome this one. I KNOW you will.
    He is so good and faithful.
    I pray to be satisfied by Him alone as well,
    and to allow his power and glory to wash over me, always.
    I pray the same for you.

    Love you friend!

  44. hannah. woman. you are full of courage. the thing that kept echoing in my heart as i read your post: it is for freedom that christ set us free. it is for freedom. that's the point. it's the bottom line. and praise his holy name that it is available to us every single freakin minute. we ALL need it. i'm praying freedom over you tonight, in jesus' name, by the power of the blood that bought your life. thank you for blessing us with a part of your story.

  45. Wow. Just, wow. I know others have already said it, but it bears repeating: You are incredibly brave. I've battled with a food addiction as well, and it's an ongoing battle, and it's so hard...I feel really moved and inspired by you. Thank you for laying your heart out like that.

  46. I've been reading all the wonderful "things I'm afraid to tell you" posts this morning, and yours really smacked me in the face. I have much to think about now, in my own life. THANK YOU for sharing this. I'll be following along, now that I've found your blog!

  47. are awesome. I love your honesty and your vulnerability.
    Thank you for sharing your heart & your struggle. I will be praying for you.
    This idea is so neat...I might have to do a post like this.
    Love you so much!

  48. I'm currently seeing my therapist for "compulsive unconscious overeating." It is an addiction and a socially difficult one to address. The book Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program That Works is slowly changing my life along with therapy and a body image therapy group. My daily mantra is - empathy for yourself is as important as empathy for others!

  49. thinking of you! wish I could just hang out, have a coffee with you and "be real" together. you are not alone.
    "Blessed is the man whose strength is in You,
    Whose heart is set on pilgrimage.
    As they pass through the Valley of Baca,
    They make it a spring;
    The rain also covers it with pools."

  50. Guess where I used to work?
    A drug and alcohol recovery center for women.
    Seeing a person in recovery, in love with the Lord, having a family, facing her battles fills me with such joy. It lets me know there continues to be hope.
    Food is a struggle for me as well.
    Always has been.
    Back in November I felt similar to what you described. Ashamed. Tired. Uncomfortable.
    I called a friend who helped me get a workout routine started. Then I found My Fitness Pal & I began being proactive about things. I had to acknowledge the fact that I had not control & I had to get control.
    I had to limit myself and work hard.
    I went kicking and screaming. It's not easy to measure your food and bust your butt exercising. It's not fun to say no when everyone around you is eating "bad" food. It is HARD. But it's not impossible.
    I pray you have strength and motivation. I pray you will take one day at a time. I pray you will see progress and be filled with hope and joy.
    You are not alone.
    You are beautiful. You are strong. Nothing can stop you. You have and take care of a son w/autism. You can do anything!
    Do it. I believe in you.

    1. I love your comment and totally relate to you. My hubby and friends are all food lovers and don't ever watch what they eat and they also love alcohol and pop, so for a while I was gaining a lot of weight from this because I wanted to fit in with them and share their happiness. Eventually the guilt and eating caught up with me and I was overdoing the junk food every day. I got control of the junk food and lost 50 pounds on my own, then another 25 through MFP, and since then I've been able to do better at eating. I have a lot of issues with addiction because I have manic depression and I struggle daily with obsessing over things and frequently go from obsessing with cooking and dieting to 'legal' drugs, to spending too much money shopping. I really want to stop obsessing so much so I am able to raise a family and have a happy marriage, but I know that most of all I need to trust God and not myself. If people read this, please send prayers your way...

  51. Oh my goodness! You have no idea what the Lord has confirmed to me through your words. Thank you for the encouragement! I too struggle with food addiction and like you I hide it well with pretty well rounded proportions. So most people don't realize how hard this is for me. I started a blog series about fasting. This made my heart glad because I'm telling a lot about my hidden sin and it's very public and very scary. This just reaffirmed my stance! Thank you for sharing your heart!

  52. Oh, friend. I wish I could hug you now. SOOOO interesting how God takes so many of our weaknesses and helps other people in the same position. My problems are constantly staring me in the face and I completely understand the whole sharing AFTER part. I'm the queeen of sharing things after I've figured the problem out. I know you have encouraged many with the honesty of your words. I'm excited to see how God is gonna help you with this. I know He will give you the strength to climb this mountain!! We will help you too! Love you, friend :)

  53. Hannah, thank you so much for sharing your struggle. You have the power of the world inside of you and if you were able to overcome one addiction, I know you can overcome this one too.

  54. Thank you for sharing this, Hannah. My husband was able to overcome the difficulties he has had with food in this past year. He feels such freedom in the Lord, now. I pray for freedom for you as well. I am breaking free from being a people pleaser... it is a hard road, but God is working and I am learning.

  55. this was so encouraging to me...I admire your bravery in doing this...I can imagine how hard it must have been...I think I would have been terrified...I feel many of the same ways you do...but I have never looked at things in this perspective...letting God fill you (me)... thank you so much <3 I believe God grants blessing to those who step out in faith and bravery... to help others that may be struggling too... brave like you :) New follower here...!

  56. Hey friend, I read this the other day on my phone but hate trying to comment from the phone. So here I am again, and wanted to let you know that I am proud of you, and you can do this! You are inspiring me to look at my life and see what I am hoarding for myself and not giving over to God. Praying for freedom, and that your story continues to inspire.

  57. oh, my sweet hannah, i love you so. we are looking to Jesus, every one of us, together. (so much encouragement in the together.)

  58. Girl, you are such an inspiration! I pray that God blesses you on this journey!

  59. I love you Hannypants - thanks for your honesty and I loved reading through people's comments of encouragement - I hope you can feel how much you are loved and supported. And I saw you'd lost 4 lbs already? That is AWESOME.

  60. This post is just plain awesome. You are so courageous and strong. Your honesty and openness is always so inspiring to me. Thank you for sharing what the Lord has done for you.

  61. Food is my idol too. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.The stress in my life continues to overflow and my pants continue to shrink. Great post. Kristen

  62. Thank you for being brave enough to share this with us. I so understand. Food is my biggest battleground too. See, I write this having just finished a bag of lollies and started on a block of chocolate! I too am the biggest I have ever been and it makes me miserable. What a waste! God has given me so much grace and I have a beautiful life but I'm making myself miserable. Thank you for writing this. Your honesty is inspiring to me and I will be praying for you - and myself!

  63. Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you the best on your battle with food. My brother was one of those that did not make it out of his addiction to drugs, and I miss him every day! I'm so glad you found a way out of that portion of your addictions!

  64. cast your cares, my friend, cast your cares :O)


  65. Oh friend I love you. Truly. Your transparency is so inspiring. Turning to God is the only way we can truly come our struggles. You & God got this and you've got my thoughts and prayers.

  66. Thanks for being brave & sharing!
    I'm interested in seeing how this turns out for you & expecting a new chapter to be added to your amazing testimony. A similar post has been on my heart for some time now. Food ills & spiritual ills are so closely tied for me. I don't have it completely worked out in my head/heart as of yet, but I know this....during my (internet) fast when I felt so incredibly close to God I lost weight & felt perfectly satisfied.
    Like you I hide my weight WELL & since babies have crested 200 more times than I care to admitt. Thanks again.
    Have a lovely evening! It's good to be back. :)

  67. Oh & I have that same charmingly teally bowel. A gift from my mama's cupboard. Raises the happy meter just to use it no?

  68. I know this is an old post but I found it on your "about me" page. I identify so much with your addiction to food because I'm there myself. We celebrate and we medicate with food in our house - both the hubs and I do it. I'm unhappy with my weight and more so with the fact that I'm trying to fill my need for reliance on Jesus with food.

    I'm getting up the guts to write about this. I'm really thankful that you did. :)

  69. I popped over to this post from your guest post on Jami's blog and I can identify so much with this. Thank you for sharing your heart and your struggle! I am reminded of Lisa TerKeurst's Made to Crave series which has helped me a lot, but I continue to struggle. Thanks for reminding me I'm not alone and for being so transparent! Sending lots of love and thanks!