Monday, May 14, 2012

a few things

getting ready to pick up elijah from school, but first, a quick post.

last week, after a particularly trying afternoon, i remembered that i never opened elijah's backpack
usually i do that when we walk in from picking him up.
it was providence that i waited. because i needed to do it later. this is what i found inside:

i could hardly speak i was sobbing so hard! two precious little presents, from my little cutie.
elijah was even showing me his gifts.
rarely does he seem interested in such things. this was just so special.
and then he started picking the stickers off the frame, so glad i snapped a photo:)

saturday patrick was at work, so i was on my own with elijah.
on days like that, we usually stay in, and only go out before or after patrick works.
it's super difficult for me to manage a park or something with elijah.
but this weekend, i decided to attempt it on my own.
we walked, across the bridge into minnesota, it was super windy and warm. a beautiful day!
we walked back over to the town square, just down from home.
there's a little playground that sits in a corner that elijah enjoys. for a little while at least.

when elijah gets finished playing, he just takes off. sprinting to nowhere in particular.
when it's just the two of us, i'm always anticipating this. and saturday, our fun ended when he ran off.
i tried to get him interested in the play equipment again, not happening. it was time to go home.
i can't just chase him through our streets downtown.
so, i dragged him home. literally.
i tried to carry him, but that proved impossible.
a walk that should have taken a few minutes took forever,
because i was dragging a kicking screaming kid.

it seems that elijah is more than just being grumpy about leaving a playground,
or whatever he is doing at that moment. it's like he thinks,
"i will never ever get to do this again. if i leave, i will never have this fun again. i cannot leave!"
elijah has no concept of, "we can play more later" or
"you weren't being safe and playing on the playground, so we're going home".
he doesn't even understand that the street is dangerous.
this makes getting him home a challenge. and doing it alone?
well, i knew what i was getting into, but chose to try and play anyway.

i got my wailing and flailing cutie pie home.
fought him into the bathtub, goodness he gets grimy in no time!
i hurried to dry him off, and i just squeezed him close.
letting him sob and scream into me.
i was crying too. it was hard. having him get this upset and not understand my comforting him.

he calmed. i dressed him in jammies, and fixed him apples and goldfish crackers.
he cuddled up in a quilt and munched his snack and i turned on the muppet movie.
he clutched my arm, smiling at me.
we relaxed together, the stress melted away.

i am thrilled to tell you the beauty that came in this taxing afternoon.
once we were settled in, and the lord was washing peace over our hearts?
i realized something.
the kicking screaming dragging-walk home?
i wasn't worried about was people were thinking of us.
i was just sad for my son and wanted to get him home and collected.
our downtown streets were filled with people.
it was a gorgeous day, people were walking, eating and talking outdoors.
our fit must have been a sight to see. but i obviously didn't care.

and this is the first time that i didn't care.
this is progress for me in our journey with autism.
this was a huge success for me.
and i am so thankful for that sweet grace.
it benefited myself and my son who needed me only concerned with him that day. praise jesus.

faithfulness springs up from the ground,
and righteousness looks down from the sky.
{psalm 85:11}

before i go, let me tell you about jeannett's new series!

i'm thrilled to be a part of this today.

we're excited about fundraising for charity water!
helping mothers, just like us, be able to provide clean water to their families.
i encourage you to give today, don't count on someone else to do it.
any amount is a gift, and can make a difference in the lives of those who badly need clean water.

linked up with darling friends, carissa and ruth today!
check them out, happy monday!


  1. the Lord is so good.
    so faithful.
    He is working on your heart, and you see that.
    you love your son.
    you protect and guide him.
    you are doing it RIGHT.
    tears or no tears.
    dragging or no dragging.
    people see THAT.
    i'm glad you weren't worried what other people were thinking.
    i need to do more of the not worrying and less of the worrying.
    amen, and happy monday.

  2. wow. that is progress for sure, hannah, and i offer praise to the Lord for it on your behalf. God is so good!

  3. wow, God is so good, hannah! i love you and offer praise on your behalf for the progress that's happening in your life. I so appreciate when you share from your heart. I can completely relate to a lot of it, and I so value the refreshing honesty you share.

  4. Thank you for sharing this! I love the way you love your son so deeply and care for his heart above others opinions. I so admire you.
    Ps. When is your birthday?

  5. A sweet success story for you. Love the Mother's Day gifts he made for you.

  6. You are such a strong and amazing mama, and I know it is because of your trust in the Lord. I pray that He continues to strengthen and guide you through your journey with Elijah. Thank you for sharing your stories, your struggles and your triumphs (and photos of your cutie!!!!)

  7. Girl, this is so encouraging today. Such a blessing to not even care what others were were loving your son deeply & that is what matters!
    I love those little Mother's Day gifts from Elijah. The Lord is so good to give us sweet things in the midst of hard times.

  8. So awesome for your "breakthrough" in not caring what others think during the tantrum! It's a hard lesson to least it was for me with my little guy on the spectrum. Question--is Elijah using PECS cards in his therapy yet? When my son started using them they helped A LOT with transitions. I'd encourage you to look in to them, if you haven't already!

  9. You're a good mama, that's for sure :)

    Those gifts are so precious!

  10. Praise the Lord! That is progress! And I'm proud of you for trying. That picture of him snuggled in watching his movie says it all.

  11. i celebrate the progress for you. relief, huh!?!

    and what a sweet mother's day gift from your boy. personally made gifts are my FAVORITE. my kids write me letters every year, and I LOVE THEM.

  12. Praise be to the Lord! I hate that pride and fear that wells up inside when any of my children choose front of others. May we be faithful to an audience of One!

  13. aww, sweetie. how could to know that your concerns for the approval of man are falling to the wayside. we could all learn from you. you have your eyes on the main things. gosh, you inspire me and bring such glory to Jesus. love you for it. xoxo.

  14. What special little goodies your boy made for you! :) I'm glad you were blessed at just the right time.

    And yay for progress. This is one of those times when who cares what people think! I'm glad you felt at peace doing the right thing for the both of you! :)

  15. Hannah. You give my heart a lesson every time I come over.

    I do love you.

    I prayed for you yesterday, on Mother's Day. We were splashing about the water park and you came to my mind, and then the day, and I prayed.

    I love that God can do that. Bring you to me from so far away, and then I can send Him back to you. I hope you felt Him.

    Much, much love,


  16. i love this growth all the more for how hard-earned it is. praying for the very same in me. love you, my hannah.

  17. God is so good to give you that afternoon, and that grace. and I have a feeling that wont be the last time where He will surprise you with how much you are growing as you journey along with Elijah. I am so thankful has you for his mama. and what precious artwork he made you!!! I cried when Abigail showed me hers too. love to you friend!!!! i seriously am so blessed to be getting to know you (and cant wait for the fall..holla!) :)

  18. You inspire me. I need to be more like this. Thanks for sharing this, Hannah girl. Love you.

  19. Praise the Lord for His timing and His grace. :) And for Elijah's sweet smile!

  20. God is so good!
    He chose you for Elijah because He knew you were perfect for him.
    Of course He knew!

    So happy for your progress.
    It's definitely something I need to work on, too.

    Happy week, friend!!


  21. oh hannah, so grateful for your beautiful afternoon with your boy. even though there were hard moments, it's evident that Jesus was with you and gave you new strength. love you!

  22. I can just imagine what that peace felt like as it washed over you. I have had moments like that before, what a gift that peace is! It's wonderful that you recognized the progress you made that day!

  23. all day yesterday i wanted to get by here and tell you this: you are a mother loving your child. even when it's hard. no matter what it looks like from the outside, only you know how to love him. i believe that God is unlocking that for you bit bit.

    and i love you for it.

  24. this is totally precious, hannah. you have the sweetest.heart.ever! your mothering is inspiring to me. loveya bloggy friend!
    <3 <3 <3

  25. That is a HUGE step. At least I know it would be for my people pleasing self. At 55 I am finally getting better at not caring what other people think. Your focus was where it should have been. God is definitely with you and working in you.

  26. I read this yesterday morning but didn't get a chance to comment and now I'm glad. Grocery shopping was on our to-do list yesterday and the latter part of our trip was filled with a 4-year old mega-tantrum! Usually I get embarrassed and lose my patience with him but yesterday I thought of your words, let go of what other people may be thinking and did what was best for Graham. I know it's not exactly the same but thank you for your encouragement, your honesty and for the way your love your boy! You really are a gift, Hannah!

  27. Oh, how you brought tears to my eyes. Thank you Jesus for peace and grace and victories. Praying for you, sweet mama.

    Those gifts are precious. The butterfly is a beauty.