i sneaked this photo quickly last month, during one of elijah's first days of occupational therapy.
most days his little face beams with delight as he pushes this little trike with his hands. when he makes it around the corner, there's a fish tank. he loves watching the fish. likely scheming about how best to remove them all and set them free. or eat them. i'm never exactly sure what elijah is thinking, you know.
elijah is always excited to go to therapy. and most times, excited to participate with his sweetest-of-all-time occupational and speech therapy techs. most times. last week we experienced our first fit during therapy.
i was sitting in one of the chairs in that photo. i returned a voicemail and was thinking about which blog to read...until i saw elijah. his therapist was carrying him toward me, and he was screaming
and wildly trying to break away from her. good grief. so, i took him from her and wrangled him into the elevator, struggled with him to the parking lot...he slipped away from me and took off running.
thankfully only around the car this time. about three times before i caught him. i snatched him up, buckled him into his car seat, shut the door and welcomed the tears. it was such a relief to have him finally strapped in the car. safe. we sat in the car for a bit. elijah howled, growled and kicked. i rested. and cried. a lot.
times like that? stressful to the max. i have zero control over my sweet boy.
he won't look at me, he won't listen to me. it's like i am not even there. he has no fear, no concept of danger. and sometimes, i barely keep up. this is exhausting.
i struggle with what others think of me as they witness these berserk adventures.
because? i have caught myself, more than once, judging others in similar situations.
this is really hard for me.
but this is also good. because i am learning.
i'm learning new things about compassion, patience and understanding.
i'm learning to lean harder on jesus, depend on his strength alone.
learning that rest is possible. when i trust him, in the midst of the crazy.
he will lift the weight of my burden, he will provide relief.
and i am praising him for that truth today.