Tuesday, March 27, 2012

goodness and mercy pursue us

i feel that i better understand the "when the dust settles" phrase.
and i am looking forward to the settling part.

because today it's still full blown dust mode.
and by blown i mean blowing. whipping wildly around me. dust.
blurring my vision and sticking in my hair. it catches in my throat when i try and sneak a breath.
then i have fits of coughing and some crying, too.
turning that dust into dirt streams, trickling down my face, neck and into my shirt.

could i be more uncomfortable?
i know it's so, but this now is the most messy i'd ever like to be.

i'm adjusting.

 to the constant movement in this house.
the tearing down, the tidying up. repeat. repeat. repeat.
we have a blast most days! but it.is.intense.
somthing like this, only with just one child:

to the loneliness i've discovered among our 'typical' family friends.
no one seems as eager as i am to understand my sweet, special boy.

to the fact that park visits-or any visits-can't be done on my own.
safety, sanity, strength are the issues there. i need help.

to getting creative at meal times, to make them worth sitting through.
learning to let go of a foot being on the table, it's not a big deal after all.

to the high pitched shriek that elijah yelps upon seeing me at the end of his morning at school.
he is always so excited to see me, he sprints and nearly knocks me down with a hug.
yes. this one's easy to get accustomed to.

in the midst of these dusty days, i see.
goodness. mercy.

i see that, as always, my burdens are made light by him.
not because it's "what i can handle", but because it is more than i could ever.

they're made light because his strength is perfect.
he covers each minute with his goodness and his mercy.
he is faithful to rescue me from fear, despair and loneliness.
the closer i cling to him, the lighter my darkness gets.
no need for me to see the way out from these dusty winds yet,
if i just trust him as he leads the way.

as it's settling, and making more and more sense to me, i'm praise him for his coming after me.
his pursuing me with goodness and mercy. even before i ask!

i've shared this quote and scripture some time ago, on my devotional blog.
it's been encouraging me again recently, and i want to share it with you!

"however contrary the winds and tides
of providence may sometime seem to us,
nothing is more certain than that they
work together to hurry sanctified souls
to god and fit them for glory."
{john flavel}

praise jesus. i'm rejoicing in that certainty today. join me!


  1. i love you so much hannah. and i LOVE his truth radiating through you. it is powerful. and it daily brings me closer to the throne.

    thank you, sister. xo.

  2. Dear hannah,

    I know it will sound crazy, but looking at the pictures of your little boy, I've always had the feeling he's special. I just knew. The thing is, I have an older and younger brother with autism. I think I recognised the looks, not looking in the camera, dreaminess... A whole personal world on a face. So I know what you mean. It will be hard, and lots and lots of people will never even try to understand that your son isn't just wild or strange, but there's a reason for his behaviour. But the people you can trust and rely on, will take your word for it. And God has placed your boy in your care for good reason. He'll bless you! No matter how difficult it has been for me and my family to live with the struggles and judgement, I regard my brothers as truly remarkable individuals who have so so much to offer. And you know, if you need more of Him, you will get it. Go for it!!

  3. Seeing goodness, mercy and Jesus in your words today.

  4. Hannah,
    I love you girl. My heart aches for you for I have been there too. Not that you need advice, for this is your own journey that God is leading, but I encourage you to reach out to other families with kids on the spectrum. Some of my best friends are the moms I have met through OT, social skills, etc. They get it. They get Luke. And they get the new me; the mom of kid with autism. You are one wonderful mama. Love you tons.

  5. my three favorite little people, Shirley, Goodness, Mercy.
    i love when they follow me around. ;)

    i'm glad they follow you around too!!!

  6. Thinking of you toady...wishing you blessings and many moments of joy.

  7. I needed to hear this today in the worst kind of way.

    Thanks for being obedient and writing it.

    Surely the dust will settle one day, and in the meantime there's goodness and mercy.



  8. the concept of goodness following us has been knocking around in my heart. hang in there...goodness and mercy is near.

  9. Praying for you today to continue to experience the overwhelming faithfulness of our Lord and His immeasurable goodness in all the good moments as well as those we'd rather do without.

  10. i understand hannah!.. know this sister lives in blurred vision. praise god he is holding our hands even in our weakest and strongest moments. :)
    thought you today..started following this blog awhile back.. she lives in Russia. http://write4lord.blogspot.com/2012/03/blog-post_27.html
    be blessed!

  11. you are a beautiful soul my friend. you guys are on my prayer list for sure. but just keep clinging to Him. that's all i can say.

  12. You are such a strong woman. Your desire to always do more for your family is inspiring... But remember, nobody can do it all, friend :)

  13. Oh, friend... dust is so hard. :( I pray that you can find friends that have enough love, understanding and compassion in their hearts to embrace both you and your little one in amazing ways. A lot of my friends have fallen by the wayside during my illness issues, but the ones that are left are so understanding and loving. I cling to the ones God has given me to help me through. :)

  14. Hi Hannah! It's been awhile since I've been over here because I've been in the middle of a dust storm myself, but I am so glad I came over to your blog again! I love your honesty and the hopefulness you have in the midst of the hard times in life. It is very encouraging. Praying for you and your family, for peace through these times, understanding, and more of Him in your life!