i told patrick this morning that i couldn't even put into words how annoyed and pained i am that i can't.get.anything.done.
i told him this as fixed elijah's breakfast, and glared at my christmas tree. i glared at her, because old girl is still up and lit and trying to make christmas last forever. well, i love christmas, and i mean to keep it all the year, but i don't need my tree around for that come easter. at this rate, easter is about when taking it all down will get done. i suppose i could be taking it down right now, but here i am blogging instead, because there is no telling how soon elijah will wake from his surprise/miracle nap.
i am trying to not be so annoyed at having to leave my precious to-do lists alone.
instead, i am trying to just enjoy my days. even if they are a mess. or decorated for christmas.
my current job is my favorite ever. being a mama and being at home with my boy. i love it!
i don't love my dusty house, dirty shower, piles of laundry, a fridge that needs cleaning, closets that need organized, and the list goes on. i wish it all didn't bother me so much.
is it possible to just get over it? get over being so finicky about being organized and clean?
i think i will always be "this way", but i can see that i have relaxed so much.
almost exactly one year ago, i wrote this post.
praise jesus, i can tell you that i have made progress! there are countless times i can think of where i have even chosen to instigate extra painting or and extra game of chase with elijah. with a sink full of dishes.
what have i become?! i have begun to let go of some things sometimes. and it is okay.
i have one shot. one go 'round as a wife and mama.
only once will i get to experience these days with my family.
i won't get any of this time back.
one shot at all of it, my family, my friends.
i know better than to make "big resolutions" for this new year.
i am making plans though. after all, if you aim at nothing, you're sure to hit it!
my plans include things like:
framing and hanging sweet things i've collected to pretty up the house.
continuing my blog and documenting my thoughts and my life.
organizing my home so it makes each day spent here simpler and even more enjoyable.
planning little vacations, we love road trips!
most importantly, i aim to:
be present in my home. more present as a mama, less impatient and more giving and nurturing.
my special, darling boy needs so much from me. and you know, i really need him too.
to be more cheerful, even when i am exhausted, for my husband. he works very hard, too.
i want to be more romantic with him, laugh more with him(if that is even possible, he is pretty funny).
the key to hitting these marks will be filling up with jesus.
soaking in his word. making more time for it.
and that is pretty much it, because everything, everything else flows out from that.
teach me your way,
o lord, that I may walk
in your truth;
unite my heart to
fear your name.
maybe i'll get my blessed christmas tree down tonight.
if it doesn't happen though, it'll be due to extra books at bedtime with my boy
and extra snuggles with my man.