Thursday, January 05, 2012

so, my christmas tree is still up. {and what i'm aiming for}

i told patrick this morning that i couldn't even put into words how annoyed and pained i am that i can't.get.anything.done.
i told him this as fixed elijah's breakfast, and glared at my christmas tree. i glared at her, because old girl is still up and lit and trying to make christmas last forever. well, i love christmas, and i mean to keep it all the year, but i don't need my tree around for that come easter. at this rate, easter is about when taking it all down will get done. i suppose i could be taking it down right now, but here i am blogging instead, because there is no telling how soon elijah will wake from his surprise/miracle nap.

i am trying to not be so annoyed at having to leave my precious to-do lists alone.
instead, i am trying to just enjoy my days. even if they are a mess. or decorated for christmas.
 my current job is my favorite ever. being a mama and being at home with my boy. i love it!
i don't love my dusty house, dirty shower, piles of laundry, a fridge that needs cleaning, closets that need organized, and the list goes on. i wish it all didn't bother me so much.

is it possible to just get over it? get over being so finicky about being organized and clean?
i think i will always be "this way", but i can see that i have relaxed so much.
almost exactly one year ago, i wrote this post.
praise jesus, i can tell you that i have made progress! there are countless times i can think of where i have even chosen to instigate extra painting or and extra game of chase with elijah. with a sink full of dishes.
what have i become?! i have begun to let go of some things sometimes. and it is okay.


i have one shot. one go 'round as a wife and mama.
only once will i get to experience these days with my family.
i won't get any of this time back.
one shot at all of it, my family, my friends.

i know better than to make "big resolutions" for this new year.
i am making plans though. after all, if you aim at nothing, you're sure to hit it!

my plans include things like:
framing and hanging sweet things i've collected to pretty up the house.
continuing my blog and documenting my thoughts and my life.
organizing my home so it makes each day spent here simpler and even more enjoyable.
planning little vacations, we love road trips!

most importantly, i aim to:
be present in my home. more present as a mama, less impatient and more giving and nurturing.
my special, darling boy needs so much from me. and you know, i really need him too.
to be more cheerful, even when i am exhausted, for my husband. he works very hard, too.
i want to be more romantic with him, laugh more with him(if that is even possible, he is pretty funny).

the key to hitting these marks will be filling up with jesus.
soaking in his word. making more time for it.
and that is pretty much it, because everything, everything else flows out from that.

teach me your way,
o lord, that I may walk
in your truth; 
unite my heart to
fear your name.
{psalm 86:11}

maybe i'll get my blessed christmas tree down tonight.
if it doesn't happen though, it'll be due to extra books at bedtime with my boy
and extra snuggles with my man.

19 comments:

  1. Thanks for following my blog! I am lovin' your blog too! New follower :)

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  2. Just breathe sweet friend :) I still have mine up too...and I am not even a wife or mother! Just enjoy the present with your family and don't worry about what needs to be done. :)

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  3. Miles needs me so much too. But when he's sitting on my lap and grabs my hand, I realize I need him just as much!!

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  4. I love that idea of being present. Actively present in whatever situation. I believe that true present-ness brings glory to our good God! You have such a clarified perspective, Hannah. Thanks for sharing. <3

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  5. Being the messy fool that I am, you may not believe this, but EVEN I sit and fuss about not getting anything done. I want the house to LOOK GREAT for when Ben comes home, but most of the time it's a wreck and even more so ...I AM IN A WRECK when he gets home. A few nights ago when he came home from work Ivy was SCREAMING in her high chair and I said "I NEED A BREAK" and went and laid in the middle of the living room with a coke and stripey straw.

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  6. You know in most of Europe Christmas hasn't been celebrated yet. they celebrate tomorrow. *wink*
    I feel like this all the time Hannah. Soak up the moment. Some things scratch that most things can wait.
    Relax love HE'S got this.
    However, I do agree that its good to have goals.
    Love ya!

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  7. I had these same issues when I first became a stay at homer. But, I was fortunate to be a nanny at the time, and learn to 'let it go' with someone else's babies.
    It was a very eye and heart opening experience. Thank you for being brave, and sharing your thoughts about it. It's one of those odd topics that so many people skirt around. Some day soon, god willing, I'll be a stay a home-er again, but with my baby this time.

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  8. I struggle every day with what to clean and what to not clean for the very same reasons. It's always good to hear I'm not the only one. We just moved though and that really helped clearing out much of the clutter that bugged me most days.

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  9. i'm like this too. i feel most relaxed and at ease when everything is in place, everything is clean. i'll look around and give a big sigh, and say, "our house is a MESS!" and my poor husband looks at me like i'm crazy.

    i love what you said about soaking up god's word. i need to do this more. i'm so hungry, why don't i make more time for it?

    i'm getting off the computer right now to go read more of romans. i want to really study that book.

    good luck with the tree! :)

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  10. I love your post. My tree is up too. Not decorated anymore, but still up. Annoying me. Mocking me. So much to do and never enough time. There's other important stuff to do besides what "should be getting done". I have lots of stuff to work on this year myself!

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  11. I love this post. I so agree with your phrase and the truth behind "getting one shot." I love your plans for the year too.Love to you.

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  12. "only once will i get to experience these days with my family'' love LOVE this. It is now on a post-it on my calendar. Thanks.

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  13. my tree was up until february last year. and we found stupid pine needles for the next 11 months!

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  14. oh hannah. we are twins.
    loveya! <3

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  15. Oh, friend. Doesn't life get messy? I'm learning to savor moments, too. Right now I'm sitting and chatting with my little one as he paints his dinosaur puzzle. We just had a discussion about "saints" and John 3:16... over a dinosaur puzzle. :)

    Is your tree real? Wouldn't it be fun and motivating to have a big tree burning bonfire??

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  16. i like your heart friend.
    and your goals.
    real achievable goals.
    with the help of the lord.
    admitting your weakness is awesome.
    because it gives Him the opportunity to come in and sweep you (and your kitchen) off your feet.

    love you.

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  17. Hehe. I struggle with being "ok" with the house being a mess. Sometimes you just have to let it be and live in the moment. A lot of times there are more important things right in front of me than my to-do list! Love this post! :) Happy new year sweet friend!

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  18. i didn't realize that you were living in my house! haha
    btw....dirty dishes & piles of laundry aside, my christmas tree is still up & lit for reals.

    happy new year, merry christmas, happy jan. 11th!

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