Wednesday, January 11, 2012

grace for my thick head

i've said this over and over again, even on the blog.
a lesson i will always be learning, always be reminded of, is that my plans are not what happen.
sometimes i forget. i get caught up in dreaming and planning how our future will look.
sometimes i forget to bring those dreams and plans to jesus as prayers and not commands.
sidenote, i often wrestle with god that way, actually trying to command him. sick.

i was reading a few days ago, and i don't even remember where i was reading,
but it was on john chapter 1. the first bit, verses 1-5:

In the beginning was the Word,
and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
He was in the beginning with God.
All things were made through him,
and without him was not any thing made that was made.
In him was life, and the life was the light of men.
The light shines in the darkness,
and the darkness has not overcome it.

that third verse, about "all things were made through him..."
it reminded me that i am created by god. which means i have no foundation for pride.
apart from him, i am a sick sinner, incapable of being or doing anything eternally meaningful.
without him i am not living with purpose, not living as who i was made to be.
with him though, i am unique, and valuable.

praise jesus for his forgiveness, long suffering and mercy. for i mess this up, get it backwards too often.
i act like i am the creator of my life, my purpose, my ideas, rather than the other way around.
HE made me. HE has plans. HE is big. HE is here.

after i read that sermon, i cracked open my real bible, not the one on my phone.
i read john 1. asking the lord to show it to me again and again, who he is, who i am.
HE is the light, i only reflect it. He is the grace giver, i always need it.

it was like the day after this john 1 thing, that i saw a new product tweeted, from a favorite shop:

this print from a verse from the same chapter i was neck deep into.
i love this print! even more, i love the scripture, the truth, the comfort of grace upon grace.
because i get that. i know what it feels like to get grace from him over, and over and over again,
when i am ultra undeserving and in my most sinful state.
so thankful, incredibly thankful that i am given fresh starts when i've ignored my creator
and his purpose for me. fresh starts to trust him and his ways over my own.
do you know what i'm talking about?

i want to share a poem, that i just love, by beth moore. a funny thing about it first...
this poem, i posted it several years ago, shortly after a our first ectopic pregnancy.
it really ministered to me then. the crazy thing is, it's on my mind about once a week. 
that's when i check my blog stats. that post is my most "popular" post.
like the most viewed every week, month and year.

top google searches that find my blog:
poem by beth moore
and
has someone seen the life i planned

this may not be funny to y'all, but it sure is to me.
because boy do i ever always feel like that is the story of my life!
so naturally folks would find a blog by me by typing that. mercy.
i am literally reminded of his plans not mine, all.the.time.
anyway, i am posting the poem again. because it's excellent and you need it, too.

has someone seen the life i planned?
it seems to be misplaced
i've looked in every corner
it's lost without a trace.
i've found one i don't recognize
things missing that were dear
promises i'd hoped to keep
and dreams i dreamed aren't here.
faces i had planned to see
hands i planed to hold
now absent in the pictures
not the way i told.
has someone seen the life i planned?
did it get thrown away?
god took my hand from searching
then i heard him say,
"child, your ears have never heard
your eyes have never seen
eternal plans i have for you
are more than you could dream.
you log to walk by sight
but i'm teaching eyes to see.
i know what i am doing
til then, you must believe."
he's done so much, i felt ashamed
to know he heard my moans
to think i'd trade in all he's done
for plans made on my own.
i wept over his faithfulness
and how he'd proved himself
how he'd gone beyond my dreams
and said to him myself,
"no, my ears have never heard
my eyes have never seen
eternal plans you have for me
are more than i could dream.
yes, i long to walk by sight
but you're teaching eyes to see
you know what you are doing
til then, i must believe."
i felt his great compassion
mercy unrestrained
he let me mourn my losses
and showed to me my gains.
i offered him my future
and released to him my past
i traded in my dreams
for a plan he said would last.
i get no glimpse ahead
no certainties at all
except the presence of the one
who will not let me fall.
are you also searching
for a life you planned yourself?
have you looked in every corner?
have you checked on every shelf?
child your ears have never heard
your eyes have never seen
eternal plans he has for you
are more than you could dream.
perhaps you long to walk by faith
but he's teaching eyes to see
he knows what he is doing
child, step out and believe.
{beth moore}

But, as it is written,
"What no eye has seen, nor ear heard,
nor the heart of man imagined,
what God has prepared
for those who love him."
1corinthians2.9esv

20 comments:

  1. Oh, wow, girl, I needed that poem today! That is powerful!

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  2. I absolutely love this friend! He is amazing!!

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  3. oh my...no wonder that is a top google search. good thing no one is up here with me (waiting to get their car fixed) i'm tearing up. this is one i should print & read again & again.

    thank you sweet hannah! you always encourage me!

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  4. so so so true!~ I struggle as a first born and natural planner :) that my ways are not his way and I need to stop trying to fit my plans into gods :) Lovely post as always!

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  5. whoa hannah. this post is grace upon grace upon grace upon grace for me today.

    preaching to my heart.
    i KNOW in my head that my life is not what i planned.
    but my heart still needs to be reminded of that.
    day in and day out.
    and this very moment.

    thank you.

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  6. Love this.
    I think that poem needs printed and framed.

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  7. I'm pretty sure you just described my life... I sure am thankful for those new mercies every morning!

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  8. That verse, John 1:16, is one of my most favorite. The NIV reads - "From the fullness of His grace we have all received one blessing after another"
    God always gives us His best. The fullness of His grace, not part of it. God is so good.

    I love that poem! I'm reading in Job right now and that certainly fits his story!

    Thank you for this beautiful post!

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  9. i saw that print of fb the other day and loved it too. girl. it's like the older i get, the more i see my sin and the more i learn about grace. and even when we wonder where our comfort in life has gone, or where God is, He is always there... shaping us to be like Jesus and less like ourselves. what joy this brings! awesome poem.

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  10. "He let me mourn my losses" perhaps the most gracious act of all, praise Him! thanks for this gift
    <3 <3 <3

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  11. i love this poem!! i have never seen this before.

    "to think i'd trade in all he's done
    for plans made on my own."

    yes!! love it!

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  12. Love that print about grace....obviously!! :) I love how you said that have been created by God...so therefore, we cannot be prideful....what a great thing to remind ourselves! :)

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  13. You got my attention because I can SO relate. I'm right where you are on the plan thing--learning to go with the flow and give it to Him because my way is quite exhausting, really: )

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  14. i loved this friend!

    i don't think i have ever seen that poem before and i love it.

    thanks for sharing. i definitely needed to read this today.

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  15. I really needed this reminder. These days have been hard and I've been wishing & dreaming & making my plans and not focusing on The One who makes all things new. Thank you so much for sharing, Hannah. Your faithfulness and willingness to share your truths are such a blessing to me!

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  16. What a great poem! It makes me cry for me and you at the beginning, because I know of things you and I have made plans of our own about and haven't gone that way. . .but then as I read on I was brought to joy because it is true, His plans are better!! love you

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  17. Exactly what I needed to be reminded of today! Thank you!

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  18. What a beautiful post! I'm learning more about grace every day. So glad I discovered you through Nessa's blog - you can find me at http://panoramicplayground.blogspot.com. My daughter's name is also Hannah. :)

    Nice to meet you!

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  19. Thank you, Hannah. I need grace upon grace upon grace. And I am looking for the purposed and plans God has for my future life. It is different than I thought it would, but, but yes, He is in control and I am not. I need to keep surrendering to that.

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