remember my list? i created it back in march in hopes of being a 'better me' by my 31st birthday.
my birthday is less than one month away. my list is not completed. i did not reach my goals.
yeah, i crossed off a few things. that made me happy.
each thing on the list may not seem a big deal to you,
but some things are/were a chore for me.
i am super discouraged. depressed even.
and that is no way to be when you have goals to reach.
that is no way to be any time.
every day life is hard for me sometimes. my husband works all.the.time.
my child is crazy busy and needs me. and that is fine. i love that.
it's where i want to be.
but. these goals were important to me.
the realization that they aren't being met in my timing just hurts me.
good grief i am selfish. also, when will i ever learn this lesson of his timing, not mine?
the biggest list let down for me is the 'lose 31 pounds'.
i lost seven. if that isn't lame enough:
i have gained those few pounds back these last two months.
insert expletives here.
ok. now that i expletive-ated...
you know what?
rather than wallow in my discouragement here,
i'll use this post to tell myself to get over it.
this list was a great start for me! i can keep going!
the idea of the list was to inspire me. to nudge me in a direction of new things,
or things i just seem to avoid, you know?
this was supposed to be fun. not enslaving and burdensome.
i read awesome books i had put off for too long.
i learned a slew of new recipes to jazz up the dinner menus.
elijah has his adoption story all written out and some baby book cuteness, too.
not every week as hoped, but i did memorize some new scripture.
facebook is history, i have been singing more, and started a pen pal project.
those are a few things that did get crossed off.
i will get the other things done. maybe even a few before my 'deadline'.
like the cheesecake, that is being done this weekend. holla.
this rambling has helped me.
i will soon be 31.
if the lord wills it, i will celebrate that birthday.
i will not be discouraged about the 'could haves', or 'didn't do'.
looking ahead, plugging along. even tackling the list.
even if it's at a different pace than i want to go.