to be honest, there are probably twenty things i could blog about right now.
the problem is that people would read it and that wouldn't be good. you understand?
one thing pressing on my heart i can share.
i'll forewarn you, it's a rambling, it's what i do best.
Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name;
make known his deeds among the peoples!
Sing to him, sing praises to him;
tell of all his wondrous works!
Glory in his holy name;
let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice!
Seek the Lord and his strength;
seek his presence continually.
several weeks ago, a sweet girl asked me to share a post on her blog.
she asked that i share my testimony of coming to christ.
i thought about it overnight and happily agreed!
i mean, it's legit, right? not much to think about because it's your story.
i was wrong. it was too much to think about, and certainly too much to put on a blog.
my journey to jesus was likely similar to a lot of other people's.
years filled with blatant, outward sins; on top of gross inward ones.
guilt, shame, hurt, denial, rebellion, fornication,
hatred, addiction, anger, lying, pride...brokenness.
there are details though, specific to me. things that were key in my redemption story.
as i was writing that post for that sweet girl, i felt strongly
that i needed to let her know that i couldn't do it after all.
it was obvious what details not to share.
also i felt like some things totally did need to be shared.
but how to share them in a helpful, christ exalting way is not quite as clear.
as i was reflecting on my testimony, i realized that certain things are still too tender, too close.
i've been a christian for twelve years.
obviously, i can and have shared my testimony before. the bare bones. generic.
i was a wretch then jesus saved me!
and with some i have shared more of my story, as the spirit led
and when i thought it would edify them.
anyway, i realized that i do want/need to share more of my story, but i need to wait.
i need to wait until am on steady ground emotionally with it all.
i'm not so sure i've really let go of everything i need to let go of.
i need to wait until i have clarity from the lord as to what is actually necessary for me to share.
this realization was made even more clear to me at blog sugar.
i listened to heather speak about 'telling your story'. what a help her talk was to me!
i want to be open, honest and honor the lord.
and a bonus would be being able to reach someone else,
someone who is lost and struggling.
i believe that
of my life is
ordained by god.
he planned it before time began.
i trust that even all my sin and sorrow can be used
to not only tell my story, but his.
for his glory and his fame.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ,
according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth. In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory.
shannan said it perfectly,
"Of course this pain has a purpose.
It is in the sore places, in the haunts, that God makes himself known to us.
It is here that he shows us redemption and healing.
He lets us see up close that he's the only one who will never fail us.
He dusts us clean and says again that it's time to get moving."
that's the point, you see.
that's why i am still here on this earth.
i have his story to tell.
jesus could've beamed me right up to heaven immediately when he saved me.
he didn't. here i am, with a transformed heart and a new life,
breathing in his grace and new mercies every morning.
my salvation is a progressive thing.
i strive to die daily to myself and fight sin every hour!
so, i pray.
i'm praying that in my life, jesus and the gospel would be proclaimed.
and i pray that he would give me healing, strength and wisdom
on how/if/when to share my testimony the very best way.
really here is all you need to know:
Years I spent in vanity and pride,
Caring not my Lord was crucified,
Knowing not it was for me He died on Calvary.
By God's Word at last my sin I learn,
Then I trembled at the law I'd spurned,
Till my guilty soul imploring turned to Calvary.
Now I've giv'n to Jesus everything;
Now I gladly own Him as my King;
Now my raptured soul can only sing of Calvary.
O, the love that drew salvation's plan!
O, the grace that brought it down to man!
O, the mighty gulf that God did span at Calvary!
Mercy there was great, and grace was free;
pardon there was multiplied to me;
There my burdened soul found liberty, At Calvary.