Thursday, October 20, 2011

i have a story to tell

to be honest, there are probably twenty things i could blog about right now.
the problem is that people would read it and that wouldn't be good. you understand?

one thing pressing on my heart i can share.
i'll forewarn you, it's a rambling, it's what i do best.

{psalm 105:1-4}
Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name;
make known his deeds among the peoples!
Sing to him, sing praises to him;
tell of all his wondrous works!
Glory in his holy name;
let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice!
Seek the Lord and his strength;

seek his presence continually.

several weeks ago, a sweet girl asked me to share a post on her blog.
she asked that i share my testimony of coming to christ.
i thought about it overnight and happily agreed!

i mean, it's legit, right? not much to think about because it's your story.

i was wrong. it was too much to think about, and certainly too much to put on a blog.

my journey to jesus was likely similar to a lot of other people's.
years filled with blatant, outward sins; on top of gross inward ones.
guilt, shame, hurt, denial, rebellion, fornication,
hatred, addiction, anger, lying, pride...brokenness.
there are details though, specific to me. things that were key in my redemption story.
as i was writing that post for that sweet girl, i felt strongly
that i needed to let her know that i couldn't do it after all.
it was obvious what details not to share.
also i felt like some things totally did need to be shared.
but how to share them in a helpful, christ exalting way is not quite as clear.
as i was reflecting on my testimony, i realized that certain things are still too tender, too close.
i've been a christian for twelve years.
obviously, i can and have shared my testimony before. the bare bones. generic.
i was a wretch then jesus saved me!
and with some i have shared more of my story, as the spirit led
and when i thought it would edify them.
anyway, i realized that i do want/need to share more of my story, but i need to wait.
i need to wait until am on steady ground emotionally with it all.
i'm not so sure i've really let go of everything i need to let go of.
i need to wait until i have clarity from the lord as to what is actually necessary for me to share.
this realization was made even more clear to me at blog sugar.
i listened to heather speak about 'telling your story'. what a help her talk was to me!
i want to be open, honest and honor the lord.
and a bonus would be being able to reach someone else,
someone who is lost and struggling.

i believe that
every
single
detail
of my life is
ordained by god.
he planned it before time began.
i trust that even all my sin and sorrow can be used
to not only tell my story, but his.
for his glory and his fame.

{ephesians 1:3-12}
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ,
according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth. In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory.

shannan said it perfectly,
"Of course this pain has a purpose.
It is in the sore places, in the haunts, that God makes himself known to us.
It is here that he shows us redemption and healing.
He lets us see up close that he's the only one who will never fail us.
He dusts us clean and says again that it's time to get moving."

that's the point, you see.
that's why i am still here on this earth.

i have his story to tell.

jesus could've beamed me right up to heaven immediately when he saved me.
he didn't. here i am, with a transformed heart and a new life,
breathing in his grace and new mercies every morning.
my salvation is a progressive thing.
i strive to die daily to myself and fight sin every hour!

so, i pray.
i'm praying that in my life, jesus and the gospel would be proclaimed.
and i pray that he would give me healing, strength and wisdom
on how/if/when to share my testimony the very best way.

really here is all you need to know:


Years I spent in vanity and pride,
Caring not my Lord was crucified,
Knowing not it was for me He died on Calvary.


By God's Word at last my sin I learn,
Then I trembled at the law I'd spurned,
Till my guilty soul imploring turned to Calvary.


Now I've giv'n to Jesus everything;
Now I gladly own Him as my King;
Now my raptured soul can only sing of Calvary.


O, the love that drew salvation's plan!
O, the grace that brought it down to man!
O, the mighty gulf that God did span at Calvary!


Mercy there was great, and grace was free;
pardon there was multiplied to me;
There my burdened soul found liberty, At Calvary.
{William Newell}

32 comments:

  1. Hannah,

    I hear you heart! Boy do I ever!!! I felt called to blog, because I felt burdened (yet oddly excited that it might help other gals) to tell my story & I can't right now either. And I won't until the Lord gives me the words & says 'it's time!'

    I continue to grow by leaps & bounds through the blessing of these great women & their faith blogs that God had placed in my life!!!

    Love ya' girl! Out of the 20 things that you could have said....I'm glad you chose this!!! :)

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  2. You are so sensitive to the Holy Spirit. I always admire that.Hugs!

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  3. I think being authentic without spilling your guts through details is a beautiful skill that you possess. Letting us know that you have a past, that in Jesus is your full redemption, and you are experiencing His mercy brings much glory to Him alone. For that, I am thankful.

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  4. thanks for sharing your heart, hannah. always encouraged by it :)

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  5. Beautiful! Thank you for this post today!

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  6. Hannah, this is one the best blog posts I've ever read!I can tell from your writings that you are a beautiful and genuine person.

    I was talking to one of my girlfriends recently about sometimes I feel awkward around some of our bible study friends because they've been walking with Christ since day 1. They were blessed enough to grow up in a Christian home.

    But then she made a good point,she said that people(like us) who may have found the Lord later in life have a story to tell,a testimony.

    She is so right! I've done so much and been through so much that where I am now is all to His glory.

    When you are ready to tell,I am ready to listen.
    Bless you!!!

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  7. I so get this post. I have so much to tell, and I tell it when I feel the Lord leading me to. Until the Lord says move it's mine. Ya know.
    Doyouknowhowmuchiloveyou?!?!

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  8. You said all that needed saying. Courageous, strong words. Jesus is the focus and the goal. Great post.
    Rosemary

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  9. I thought I was already following your blog... but now I am really and certain! ;)

    I love your post.
    They are encouraging and bring assurance to my personal relationship with Jesus. :o)

    ♥Jazmin

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  10. Hannah thank you so much for being so real! This post touched my heart because I have been feeling much the same way concerning what to share, how much to share...but hearing you remind me that it's His story not mine really helps tonight! Thanks friend!!

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  11. this is beautiful. really, and it resonates so deeply with me also! i love your honesty. :)

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  12. I agree that it is so hard to share, sometimes, reasons why you have learned to trust the Lord so much. It is painful sometimes to think about, let alone talk about. The Lord really does love the lost sheep, and sweep the house until he finds the lost coin. Good luck on continuing to find a balance on how to share your testimony without being explicit. But this post is evidence that you are doing a great job.

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  13. so encouraged ... thanks for sharing a piece of your heart!

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  14. Every time I leave your blog I go away inspired to be a better Christian and a better person :)

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  15. Thank you so much for this beautiful post Hannah and the complete honesty! Love you!

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  16. You are like a blogger mama...to me.:) ALways encouraging, always uplifting, always right on time, always the right words said...I love all that you choose to share. And you always proclaim HIs greatness...love you hannah.:)

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  17. Amen and Praise the Lord! Thanks for your story and sharing how the Lord has rescued you. Love your blog.

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  18. This is so good. And thought-provoking! My husband and I were asked to share our testimonies at small group next week and I'm in a place right now where I'm deciding what I should and shouldn't share. I always share the parts that glorify God and try to leave out the parts that can potentially glorify the enemy. Great to hear your heart on this one :)

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  19. i believe that
    every
    single
    detail
    of my life is
    ordained by god.

    That is so amazing and so true. I think giving your testimony on your blog is so necessary! I will be doing one soon! :)

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  20. what a beautiful beautiful post...i loved every word!! blessings to you today friend!!

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  21. This is such a beautiful post, thank you for "rambling"!! So good to be reminded of God;s goodness and sovereignty.

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  22. I really appreciated this post. I can relate on many levels. Thanks for sharing and pointing us to what really matters.

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  23. you have such a beautiful spirit hannah.

    thank you for this post.

    i am thankful i met you!

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  24. love your thoughts...love your heart...love that your waiting on the Lord...love that you are looking to God's word...love that you're you...love reading your blog...xoxo

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  25. You have a beautiful heart. I love the Jesus in you.

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  26. i am thankful i saved this post to read.
    i skimmed it the day you posted...but knew i really wanted to read it.
    soak it in.

    love that ephesians passage. we just spent 6 months as a church going through that in small groups.
    amazing how God can teach you new things over and over with the same words. love it.

    something that has been echoing in my heart, and in my comments around the blogs lately (as few and far between as they are) is the phrase "for his Glory, and our good".

    you are so right hannah, each moment was ordained.
    for His glory, and our good.

    i have a feeling that is going to be my theme going into 2012.

    love you.
    love that you shared this.
    love HOW you shared it.
    testimonies are freaking challenging. :)

    God IS using you. in so many crazy ways!

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  27. Oh Hannah...I feel the exact same way. I too listened to Heather at Blog Sugar, walking away knowing that I have a story to tell. But the more I thought about it the more I realized that some of my wounds are too open. I need more healing first before I am comfortable enough to share, if I ever do. I also know that my story needs to be glorifying in every way to God and I don't feel I can portray that just yet. I know it will come in time but the time is not now. Thank you for sharing friend.

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  28. Interesting post. Thanks for sharing this.

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