Saturday, July 09, 2011

a confession {and hope}

i've mentioned before that my darling son is quite the child.
relentless, endlessly energetic and adorable.
i love him. i am so thankful for him.

mothering him is proving to be
one of the hardest tasks i have ever faced.

sometimes i feel strange, guilty even, when i feel so exhausted.
i mean, i longed for this. motherhood. we worked hard to become parents.
elijah's adoption is one of the biggest treats of my life!
god has been so good to us. beyond our dreams. praise jesus.

i am weary though.
some days i even feel afflicted.
that may sound ridiculous to you. it doesn't to me. 
i have  many physical and emotional afflictions and struggles,
so i know what affliction feels like.

from the dictionary:
affliction
1. a state of pain, distress, or grief; misery
2. a cause of mental or bodily pain, as sickness, loss, calamity, or persecution.

yep. i find some days on this journey of motherhood leave me feeling this way. on occasion i have even wept and wallowed. desperate for some reprieve from this struggle of toddlerhood. i wonder if my son has something chemically wrong, or is he just being an insanely above average busy/destructive/tireless two-and-a-half year old? it doesn't really matter to me what the answer is. either way, i am exhausted and must find ways to deal with this season of our lives. despair and giving up is not the correct response.

"sing for joy, o heavens, and exult, o earth;
break forth, o mountains, into singing!
for the lord has comforted his people
and will have compassion on his afflicted."
isaiah 49:13esv

i can even make mountains of hardship and affliction
an opportunity for praise unto the lord. oh yes i can!
he has promised mercy in my struggles. comfort for my weariness.

"the lord would have his people happy because of his unfailing love. he would not have us sad and doubtful; he cannot fail us: why should we sigh or sulk as if he would do so? oh, for a well-tuned harp! oh, for voices like those of the cherubim before the throne!"
c.h. spurgeon

this pleasure of motherhood is truly that, a pleasure. a joy. sometimes the hard parts seem so huge and insurmountable. i don't want to lose heart. i want to praise and trust jesus. my life depends on it. my son's life does, too.
pray for me?

now for some more encouragement!
we adore music. all genres, as long as it's excellent. this qualifies, in my opinion. you can listen here and even click to buy-which i highly suggest you do:) sojourn music is relatively new to me. i am thrilled to share it with you today, friends. this first song from jamie barnes 'mercy seat' is a favorite. take a listen!




{if the embedded listener doesn't show up, refresh your page or listen here!}

linking up with my friend, katie!

19 comments:

  1. Oh dear hannah, you are speaking to my heart sister. Our youngest is trying us in so many ways. My husband and I were just talking about it yesterday. Yes, praying for you friend. Hugs.

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  3. This does NOT sound crazy to me. Motherhood is one of the hardest, no - the HARDEST part of my whole life. And I identify very much with feeling afflicted. And lost. And inadequate. And like I'm constantly failing. And that's why I write about it very little:).

    Jess

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  4. what a blessed child you have....
    love you friend!

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  5. not crazy... NORMAL. most days i just want to scream well maybe i do scream. it's hard. i have a funny story about my oldest when he was 2 1/2 and how God came to my rescue. i'll write it out next week.
    keep turning to him and everything will be fine. you'll see.
    xxO

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  6. So true, it is the HARDEST yet most JOYFUL job in the world! Love it with all your feelings!! Praying for you!

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  7. There are many days when I wonder how I will ever complete this journey in a way that honors God. We just have to lean on Him. You are a wonderful momma and Elijah is blessed to have you.
    xoxo

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  8. This post pretty mush sums up how i Have been feeling. I would never trade motherhood for anything, and yet some days I am tried and tested to the limits. Thanks for your honesty and sharing.

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  9. Nope, you're not weird or abnormal...well weird maybe but not in your troubles with motherhood. It is not all rewarding! That, in part, is what makes me so sad when I see a teen getting pregnant. It is so important to have children for what you can give to them, not for what they can give to you! Most teens have nothing to give so they have a child for what the child can give to them.

    As a mom, there were MANY days I wanted to run away. I would envision myself sneaking away in the middle of the night and driving very far away. I still have them sometimes even though my children are grown!

    So don't despair. Your feelings may be exaggerated by the fact that you adopted, I don't know since I've never done that. But I really wanted children and planned both of them and had those feelings. Adam was particularly trying as an infant.

    Take heart dear Hannah. This too shall pass:-)

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  10. I feel your pain! I am weary.
    I LOVE (have to remind myself to sometimes) these days!
    Bless you for speaking your heart!

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  11. love hearing your heart friend. and i love that song :)

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  12. I'm reading this. In a corner. Eating a Popsicle and hiding from my children. So no, you are NOT crazy. Motherhood is crazy hard. I don't know how people do it without Jesus. I'm still sending you that book. Tuesday. Promise. Love you, sweet friend!

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  13. hannah, you are SO good at keeping it real. praying for your strength and courage.

    Just read this verse this week...and had it highlighted from reading last month. It struck me again this time around...funny you choose the word affliction, it is what caught my eye and heart. I feel that same word sometimes as well. Such a strong word...but sometimes its just right.


    Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
    but the LORD delivers him out of them all.

    (Psalm 34:19 ESV)

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  14. I feel you with the affliction, although I do not have kids yet, I am also going through a very trying time in my life. I am praying for you and your family! Thanks for the encouraging words.

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  15. Wish I could have read this sooner... I wish I could give you a hug! Never, ever, EVER question feeling afflicted in your mothering. We ALL feel that way. There have been moments in my motherhood that I questioned why God chose ME of all people to raise my 3 children. But He did. And I should not question. So I press on... and the season of affliction eventually passes.

    I appreciate your honesty, as always.

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  16. so heartfelt and full of honesty....I just love your precious self, blogger b. praying for you, and in the 'thick of mommyhood' with you! can you feel the virtual hug?
    <3

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  17. Aww, the strings in our hearts that get pulled as mothers. You are not alone!
    That music is so refreshing!

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  18. I agree with everyone, we all feel this way at times. There have been many days that I wondered why I choose this life as a stay at home mom and then the kids do or say something that reminds me of my love for them. It's rough and there are different struggles ahead of us but you're on the right track. You're so blessed to have your crazy boy. I'll keep you in my prayers. Thank you for sharing.

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  19. I completely understand what you're saying. It took us 8 years to conceive our son (2 in October). We wanted him so badly so why do I have those feelings sometimes? It was refreshing to hear that others have those same feelings (someone who also has longed for a child). Thank you for being so real in your post.

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