Saturday, May 14, 2011

getting a grip

"the heart of man plans his way,
but the lord establishes his steps."

may i be frank with you? ok, thanks.
i am realizing that this verse annoys me.
yep. sin revealed. again.
i wish it was not so, but i always want to be in control.
even when i think i don't care about being in charge, i so care. when things go not according to my plans, i keep finding myself disappointed. is this going to be a sin i struggle with until i see jesus? sadly, it seems like it will be. the really crazy thing? the big disappointments are much easier for me to handle. the little disruptions, bends in the road, those make me huff and puff.

the weather has been gloomy, cold and windy. not what i had planned. most days have been too bad to be outside. instead of being thankful for the few moments we could enjoy being out, i grumbled about the times we were stuck in.
i posted part one of elijah's adoption story on wednesday. i had planned to post the next part yesterday. i wasn't able to. i had a mini meltdown. it was short, but i allowed frustration to take me over for much too long.
our game night for anika was last night.
only two guests were able to join us. and they were family.
i had big plans for lots of fun
and for lots of money to be raised.
that "loser" feeling swept over me-but then-the lord moved me.
he moved me to thankfulness.
instead of being mopey(is that a word?), i soaked up the night with my family, eating yummy food, and playing games. you know what? we collected $200 anyway. we fired up the laptop, clicked onto ankia's donation page,
and prayed as we set up our payment. it was fun.
different than i had planned, but such a wonderful night.

this morning, i read this. needless to say,
but i needed that gentle nudge.
my prayer is that i would continue to grow in the lord. i would become less focused on my plans and more open to him ordering my steps. for real, that's where it's at. how i respond to a glitch in the plans matters. whether it is blogger being down, freezing wind, losing a job, or losing a child. big and small, HE ordains each moment. i am to thank him and rejoice at. all. times.
trust him! seek his glory and see his glory in everything.

"rejoice always, pray without ceasing,
give thanks in all circumstances;
for this is the will of god in christ jesus for you."


  1. i love this post. i love your humbleness, transparency, honesty. SO SO SO SOOOO true. can you move to california please? i think we'd be really good friends :)

  2. Oh honey, I wish you wouldn't have had the "loser" feeling... I totally get what you mean. I've been there myself too many times. You handled it gracefully as you seem to handle so many things in your life. Jessica! She can't move to CA... she's gotta move to NE by me! ;o)

  3. I totally get the loser feeling. I hate that is the worst. I do love our sweet and humble spirit, though. You have such an earnest heart and God has blessed you with such a generous spirit. What is amazing is that He was not counting the number of attendees or money raised, he counted what was in your heart. Hugs, Girl!

  4. thank you, dear ladies!! xo
    goodness, i am so thankful for you.
    happy weekend to y'all!!

  5. I so wish I could be in North Dakota so I could have come to your party...I would have been there for sure. I know that loser feeling, but you're not one, and I think it's awesome that you were able to raise 200 bucks. Keep your head up. It's tough when things don't go our way but I've learned that God certainly has a plan. Hope you've had a wonderful weekend.

  6. ditto what jessica said. move here, please? :)

    i totally agree, honesty on the blogs is like an oasis. it is encouraging and refreshing.

    i am glad you are seeing where God is refining you - and humbly admitting that. AMEN to that.

    may God continue to make you more and more like His Son. :)

  7. I struggle with control too. I also wonder if it will last until I see Jesus. . . pray for me and I will pray for you too? I love the transparency here. The best writers always write from their heart, not looking to please or impress. . just allowing Him to come out. I can see you have such an amazing heart. Glad I stumbled on to this blog. Have a blessed day.

  8. i adore you. =)

    and thank you for loving on anika.